An Unlikely Friendship: St. Pierre and Shields Create a New Trend (Joke Article)
An Unlikely Friendship: St. Pierre and Shields Create a New Trend
Fri April 15, 2:46 PM
By Kenneth Jones, The Associated Press
In the world of mixed martial arts, friendships often meddle in the affairs of matchup making; in this case, however, a friendship has formed where none had existed before, amidst a much anticipated title defense. UFC welterweight champion, Georges St. Pierre, who looks to defend his belt for the sixth consecutive time on April 30, has recently expressed his growing friendship with contender Jake Shields, much to the shock of fans and famous MMA personalities alike.
"Well, actually, we met in a tanning salon", St. Pierre revealed to reporters. "I was getting my weekly tan and I saw some guy from behind with a very nice tan – it was like the colour of a perfect crust pizza, and I had to know his secret. I touched his shoulder, and when the mysterious man turned around, we locked eye contact and to my surprise, it was Jake Shields". A toothy smile on his face, Georges went on to describe how the two shared a great conversation from their respective tanning beds, often teasing each other on how the matchup would unfold: "I said to him, 'there is no point in tanning your back, Jake, because you will be laying on it the entire night'".
Jake Shields was in high spirits when reached for comment, confirming the account of his newborn friendship. He added: "Georges is a very interesting matchup for me. He is very skilled on top, but appreciates the gentle art of being on bottom as well. I feel confident in our abilities to make this an exciting fight, no matter who is on top or bottom". When asked which position he would prefer to be in against such a high calibre wrestler, Jake seemed unworried. "I’ve wrestled with a lot of men, so I feel confident either way. It seems Georges is a little uncomfortable off his back, but he’s going to have to get used to that position when he’s in the bed – I mean, cage, with me".
The oddly-paired duo was in full stride during Strikeforce’s first event since the Zuffa acquisition, as both St. Pierre and Shields attended to watch Jake’s Cesar Gracie teammates in action. Interestingly, both were wearing the exact same outfit, including shoes and accessories. St. Pierre explained the circumstance during a cageside interview, proclaiming "It is a huge coincidence!" Amidst laughter, he added "we were shopping in Los Angeles last weekend and saw an outfit we both loved. We promised each other that if we both bought it, we would make sure to let the other know before wearing it. But I guess he forgot to contact me; I left at least five messages on his phone this morning".
Strikeforce champion Nick Diaz was asked how he felt about his close friend and teammate, Jake Shields, forming a bond with St. Pierre, prior to his title defense against British star Paul Daley. "Man, I don’t know … why the (expletive) are you asking me this shit? I told him to be careful, I think GSP is gay or something. If Shields knew he was a fruit I know he wouldn’t hang around him. Shields ain’t like that. I mean … Jake should just straight up knock him out, (expletive) that … I wouldn’t grapple with no homo". Added Nick’s younger brother, Nathan Diaz, Sunday morning via Twitter:
"gsp is a fruit yo, he took shields and the rest of the crew to a gay bar after the fights last night. all of us bounced, but Jake stayed behind for a quick minute cuz I think he lost his keys or somethin".
As more sources weighed in on the post-fight celebratory efforts, the story which emerged took on the following form: the five fighters – Georges, Jake, Nate, Nick, and Gilbert – entered a famous, high-end San Diego gay bar. One of the bouncers, who asked to remain anonymous, described the incident as follows: "I had to remove Nate and Nick from the bar because of their overt homophobia. Jake apologized to the two brothers, saying he had no idea it was a gay bar. Apparently he lost his keys, because he and GSP stayed behind as the others left. He was looking for his keys for about two and a half hours, but I think he eventually found them because I saw him and Georges drive off after we closed".
Phil "Mr. Wonderful" Davis was available for comment after assisting Shields with his training camp on this week’s episode of Primetime. When questioned on how the training session went, he left no detail untouched:
"To be honest, I was a little weirded out. And for me to be weirded out, well, that’s saying something. Despite being 6'2", black, and 235 lbs, (Shields) insisted I wear a pair of St. Pierre's signature tights to replicate what he will experience on fight night.
So whatever, I tell him I'm down and we start grappling. Immediately, he drags me to the ground and eventually gets the top mount position. He’s really freaking good man. But then it just gets straight up weird.
He decides to just lay there. I can barely breathe. I can’t get up, hip escape, nothing. And he’s making no attempt to sub me or anything. Its been five minutes so I'm like, 'Jake will you let me up now?' And he's like, 'Stop talking'. Now it's just awkward. We're the only two people in the room, and I'm starting to get anxious. 'Jake, please, I'm getting nervous down here', and he goes, 'Stop (expletive) talking'."
Phil Davis, visibly distraught, removed himself from the room and came back after a brief intermission:
"Jake is a spectacular grappler, and no doubt, GSP will have his hands full come April 30. But you won't see my black ass ever grappling with him again".
Following this remark, Davis left abruptly and was not available for further comment.
What will truly be intriguing to see is how this friendship takes form during their bout at the month’s end. Much to the relief of UFC president Dana White, the two have promised to showcase their best performances, and put their feelings for each other aside, at least for one night. “This is definitely not a one-night stand between me and Jake; we are good friends and will remain as such. But with that being said, it will be my pleasure to beat the tan off his little ass come April 30", jested St. Pierre.
"The pleasure will be mine", retorted Shields.