Life is feeling kind of empty now.
1) Family: this is the most ****ed up dysfunctional family I've ever seen. My "wife" (yeah, we're pretty much separated now, just need to get divorce papers filled and my own place) has this kind of post pardum depression going, and me and the kids are the ones suffering for it. I won't go into details with everything she does, but let's just say that aggression, violence and mental abuse is her name of the game right now.
2) School: another empty feeling thing going on in my life right now. I know I only have a few classes left for a degree, but I'm not sure what classes I want to sign up to. Security versus coding. Both are pretty much guaranteed jobs and a good future, and I like both of them equally much. I don't know, just stressful knowing that no matter what route I go, I will miss out on the other. Plus, it's just as stressful knowing that I might be able to continue studying like I want to because of the separation and everything.
3) Emotions/mental health: I just don't know. Things aren't looking too good at the moment, and I just.. yeah well, things are stressful.
4) Friends: one of my friends just left for Thailand for 3 months. It will feel empty without her, cause she was the one I could share this shit with. The others.. well, since quitting drugs and suicide attempts, I've lost practically everyone I knew. I know it's not a good idea to whine about it, but what's there left to do when half of my old friends are either dead, junkies or still trying to suicide. I'm not totally alone tho, but the ones I have are through school, and needless to say - they are more career oriented and our shared interests are tech stuff and coding.
I know it's a bad thing to complain, and things are probably looking better than I think, but shit feels like shit.
Usually id make a joke here and tell you to consume your sorrows in alcohol. But i honestly think you have serious issues. You are going through a really rough patch it sounds and that sucks for anyone. But if you have a serious history of drugs and suicide attempts then you just cant allow yourself to handle this on your own. As it is right now i think you are on a very rocky path to relapsing. You mentioned you have kids?? Dont do this to them. You dont sound very stable and until you can take care of yourself how are you supposed to take care of them??
I wish you best of luck man and i hope things arnt as bad as they are sounding. If you have the money then go see some counseling. Im sure there are some free programs that could help you 2. Maybe go to some type of meeting where people talk to each other in groups. Youd be surprised but talking things out is a huge stress reliever.
Take care of yourself man. Start with changing that avy... its emo. You need to put your mind in a happier place.