thanks for the responses guys. And to the question "how bad do i want it" is really the inncorrect question cause its the only thing i have right now. Thus, i HAVE to do it. I'm up shit creeck without a paddle. i NEED to fight to make some money to get out of this bind i'm in. I dont have dreams of becoming a champion, i just want to make some cash in the next 5 years doing this and maybe have it help me get through school while i'm at it.
When i did this 12 years ago it was it was more about pride and bragging rights. I liked to talk about it to people so i could feel important.
Now i really fighting for survial. I have had a string of problems that has lead me to be homeless, gain a felony, get divorced, in jail, lost about 4 jobs in the last 5 years, i have no car, and the town i live in has a 40% unemployment rate. Lucky i'm living with my mom right now.
Thus, i'm going to be treating this like its my job cause i hope to start amature fighting within 3 to 4 months. And maybe in a year do a pro fight.
The place that has accepted me is high speed and low stress so far. I hope after they get to know me they start treating me like my drill sergeants did. My drill sergeants are still my icons. Anyhow, i'm not considering this my comeback. I havent told any of my old friends that i'm getting back in the game so i really dont care about my name anymore, just money to get back on my feet. However, i must admit, that i havent felt this good about myself since i was in the military years ago. The last 3 years i've been a hermit. I've slept all day and stayed up all night playing xbox and smoking cigs. I've been depresed off my ass.
However, this is like my "hail mary" attempt at getting my life going again. I'm going to be on these forums a lot instead of "gamespot" lol so i can learn some ins and outs by you all the guys here and stay motivated. From what i've read arouond so far this communtity seems really cool.
Well i've been around long enough to know that this pain is temporary and my cardio will come around soon enough. I just didnt expect my cardio to be so bad that it felt like i had asmaha lol or that my muscles felt like i;ve been in a car crash. But to the one question as to why i didnt try in get in some shape beofre i went there well it was becasue i only train when im motivated. I wouldnt want to train on my own then go to the club and hope that they will sponser me. I need someone chewing my ass out and yelling at me to "unf@ck myself" and to "drink a lot of water cause it going to be hot in hell" lol. So i just need to suck it up. I've been thinking about that movie spartacus where they fought to the death with weapons and the like. Anyway ill keep yall updated :P