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post #1216 of (permalink) Old 05-07-2012, 12:37 AM Thread Starter
illmatic's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,451
Enter Rebecca.

Rebecca is a walking checklist of things I like. Let's review:

-Brazilian brunette, gorgeous with excellent assets
-Sweet to me but I'm catching whiffs of fieryness and attitude, something that's much hotter when it's a cultural thing
-19 y/o, young but not creepy young
-Friendly, speaks just enough english to get by on, and little enough that it's cute and teaching is an easy point of conversation
- Going to school for a degree in law
- Likes me, with the generous PDA that Brazil is famous for

I know, right?

I met Rebecca at the beach. That day me and Sheeha were super amped to hit the scene because we had just purchased matching sungas aka speedos a few days earlier with Crazy Mike...we tried to get one for The Dragon but they ran out of XL's...I had this vision of all of us in matching sungas+ sunglasses strutting down the beach like Resevoir Dogs meets LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It).

So of course we oil up and roll out, find a spot and start working on my somewhat-coming-along tan. Being a naturally astute observer of things, I began scouting for scenery. Soon a pair of girls came around handing out juice boxes to everyone (not in bathing suits, they were the classy kind of promotional girls).

"Here we go, we've got some potential"
"Found something?" Sheeha asks.
"Ya this brunette is killing me.... whyyy won't you come over heeeeeeere ?"
"Maybe your creepy vibe is keeping them away." he says Norwegianly.
"Whatever, man."

Finally they give us some juice, which is ******* delicious and made from grapes and for a moment it amazes me that vendors can keep things so nice and cold on a beach in Rio de Janeiro with just the technologies of a styrofoam box. I desperately reach for juice related conversation. How do I open it (don't laugh, there was no straw involved), where can I buy it, etc. After as they leave I ask them to come back with more. Whatever, I just like the juice, okay?

They come back again with more juice. I attempt more conversation in english, but they're pretty stand offish and have to talk to eachother to decide what the **** this gringo is saying and how to respond. Sheeha leaves me to my own devices, headphones in and completely oblivious to my aspirations flushing down the drain...something flicks in the back of my mind and accusations of the world's worst wingman begin to come to a simmer. Soon they leave and I watch just thinking "Damn, that was my second chance that I'm watching walk away right now."

Girls are generally very friendly and approachable in Brazil. I knew this already but it's hard to internalize and flip the switch when you've just left home. Like normally in that situation and from the overall vibe I was getting, it would have been creepy to ask them for their info. Maybe not creepy, but forced and desperate. I don't like it. Of course it's much easier out here to pull it off, but everyone uses the same cliches. I hate doing the same gringo thing to every girl I see. "Oi! I don't speak portuguese! Fala ingles?? Do you have facebook?" etc... This bleeding heart needs something a little more genuine and less invasive. I also have recently successfuly institutionalized the strategy of never chasing girls (back in Canada) and just letting things come to me. I thought with the timeframe of Brazil I was going to have to break my new rules and make something happen.

Looks like I didn't. Her friend comes back "Oh, we forgot to give you this." It's a grape juice pamphlet. A grape juice pamphlet with two full names, and a phone number.

I shake my head at the everything-just-works-outness of it all, pop my headphones back in and allow the shit eating grin to settle onto my face for the rest of the day.

Last edited by illmatic; 05-07-2012 at 12:39 AM.
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