Okay, I feel like this has gone on too long. To be honest, reading through this today with a clear head, every part of ny brain is screaming stop. As an instructor I read parents like you. I mean that with all do respect and I don't want to offend, but it is exactly how I feel. Your son is training at a gym, he has instructors that are professionals and are paid/qualified to teach him. I'm sorry but you are not. If you were an amazing wrestler that great, teach him to wrestle, something you know about. DO NOT GO ON YOUTUBE and think you can teach your son something. It will lead to far more problems, I'm sure there are plenty of things that you can show him and they will work now because he's young and would have no real chance once he gets older and people know what is happening, meanwhile he hasn't been working on anything else because he hasn't needed to. You are asking for problems, I can't tell you how to raise your son, but I will leave you with this. His instructors aren't coming into your home and telling you what manners he needs or what morals he should have, that a parent's(you) job. So let the instructors do their job and stay out of it. Like I said if you want to help him teach him to wrestle, as you said you were an all American or something along those lines, you are able to teach that, not bjj or judo. Or if you really want to teach him bjj or judo get into the adult programs and learn before you do anything more.
I am truly not trying to offend you, I'm just telling you from my experience as an instructor things like this generally don't turn out good.
Edit: if you can afford it any qualified gym will offer private lessons, though they can be pricey. If you are concerned about your sons progress I would go that route. If the head instructor is too expensive or won't do it, ask if one of the ranked belts are available, they generally are cheaper and can help a beginner just as much.
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Think. It Ain't Illegal Yet
"Discipline Hurts Less Than Regret"