Hmmm... I think I understand. Let me see if I am coherent enough to express my thoughts with anything resembling order and sense.
It seems to me to be similar to suffer a permanent, crippling injury. Say your back. With a normally functioning back you don't think about it everyday. You don't have to because everything is fine. It is as it should be. But injure that back and suddenly you think about it all the time because everything you do is affected by it. The wrongness taints everything by it's presence.
Is that close? Or has sleep deprivation completely destroyed my cognitive faculties?
That is not dead which can eternal lie and withs strange aeons even death may die.