EDIT - 8/26/11
Amazing... I can't believe this blog post is still here. I had completely forgotten about it. It feels like I wrote it a century ago. Here I am now, three days away from beginning my final semester of college, and it's really cool (and embarrassing) to read. I showed it to my girlfriend and she had a good laugh at my expense.
Almost as embarrassing as the blog post itself is that last edit I made in '09. "Lulz" and "QQ?" Man that's awful. But the post must live on; it's great to see how far I've come since I started college.
EDIT - 4/1/09
Wow I just read this again, lulz. I don't really remember a whole lot from that semester, but man did I QQ a lot. It happens I guess. Oh, and in my last edit I was worried that Physics might kick my ass - HA! That class ended up being the shit
, one of the few classes I've ever enjoyed studying for. Once again I felt like deleting this post because it's embarrassing, but I kinda get a kick out of reading how psyched out I was. It also makes me feel pretty good; I ended up getting by and I conquered my anxieties, that's what growing up is all about!
EDIT - 9/7/08
I doubt anyone will read this, but man what a trip it is looking back on how emo I got last semester. I'm keeping this up, even though it is pretty embarrassing. This semester seems a lot more promising, with the exception of Physics which is looking like it's gonna kick my ass. Oh well, you can't win 'em all!
EDIT - 5/20/08
Wow... it's crazy that I wrote this only 5 days ago and now my mental state is so much improved. I am completely de-stressed, only 1 more assignment, a paper in history due tomorrow and then I'm done. I found out that I passed math against what seemed like all odds, and also earned myself such a solid C in Japanese that even the fact that I absolutely bombed the final can't stop me from passing the class. Got myself an A in oral communications. The only two left are writing which probably won't have my stuff graded until June, and history which I finish tomorrow. Almost positive I passed writing class, as far as history goes, I'll probably sneak by with a B or a C.
Life is good, and so is the surf. I love summer, and never has it been so welcome as it is this year.
It's Venting Time
I am currently finishing up the worst semester of school I have ever experienced. This blog post is as much for me to reflect upon as it is for you to waste your time reading about me. Enjoy.
Freshman 2nd semester
General Ed. Writing(GEW)
- Holy f**k. The most infamous class among freshman, what would seem like a pretty harmless course (because it's a mandatory general ed. so it has to be easily passable, right?) is actually a god damned nightmare of a time sink. Only an ignorant dumbass (me) would take other time-consuming courses along with this one. Tons of analytical essays to write, and they're not easy. Hell, writing is my strong subject, and this class was hell for me, I felt terrible for those math-minded students who had to take this class. I will say though, that I have become a much better writer, but it was not without sacrifice.
- Online math course with a twist. Optional lectures on Monday, written quizzes on Wednesday, and mandatory computer lab classes on Friday, complimentary with computer-administered quizzes. Gives gratuitous
amounts of homework, and the way it works is you have to get a question right in order to move on to the next one. For someone like me, this is a greater atrocity than the **** of Nanking, for I often spend hours trying to pass a single chapter(topic). At the moment, I have 64 topics to do in one day's time. In other words, I'm f**ked. This class is the epitome of failure, we started out with around 65 registered students, and now we're at about 8. Passing this class seems extremely unlikely, which sucks because if I don't pass it now or over summer school then I am not invited back to my college. Whoever made this online program (ALEKS) better hope to whatever god he prays to that I don't find him in an alley somewhere.
General Ed. Oral Communications(GEO)
- Great professor for this one, and apparently I have a knack for public speaking. As far as in class goes, this course was probably the most fun and rewarding of all my classes this semester. Impromptu speech day was awesome, and I got mad extra credit for participating. Having to write 5 page outlines to turn in before my speeches did stress me out sometimes, but overall I'd say this was a more positive experience than negative.
- The defining year for me as far as my Japanese prowess goes, it made me decide that Japanese is, in fact, not
my passion. The difficulty and workload were overwhelming to the point where I basically decided to blow a lot of the work off. I never missed a day of class and participated (embarrassed myself) a lot because I'm pretty shameless, so I managed to get myself on the professor's good side. Don't know if I'll pass or fail though, because the professor is very unorganized and hasn't graded a lot of our stuff yet. After six years of studying Japanese, it has simply gotten too difficult to the point where I no longer find myself willing to study it. A shame perhaps, but that's how things go sometimes. Maybe I'll pick it up again later in life.
- Zzzzzzzz. COMPLETE waste of time. Terrible professor, heard she was an easy A, but she's so boring and the class is so pointless I found myself blowing it off completely. Which was nice, until the last few weeks of school come around and I find out that I'm failing. Now I'm cramming in the last of the assignments on the Cold War and other sh*t I'm not interested in, and hating myself the whole while. Also have a 7 page paper due in 1 day, I'm thinking of doing maybe 3 pages and calling it a semester. Total joke of a class with random spikes of stressful moments popping up during the semester. Whack attack, definitely not an easy A but I'm pretty sure I'll sneak by with at least a C...
My first semester of college was an excellent way to kick off my higher education career. I had 4 classes; Critical Thinking(aka Logic), Japanese 102, Lifelong Learning(lol), and Math with an awesome
professor. I ended up with a 3.8gpa and high hopes for my academics. This second semester succeeded in crushing those hopes.
Never have I been under such sustained amounts of stress and lack of sleep in my life. Never have I woken up every morning with nothing but the rush of thoughts of all the sh*t I have to do coming into my head. Insta-anxiety. I had my first anxiety attacks this semester, which sucked. I may very well receive my first failing grade(s) in a class(es) in my life. All-in-all, it has made me really think about what I'm doing with my life.
I worked hard in high school to pull my grades up and get into college. I worked hard, only to be "rewarded" with this? Prolonged depression and anxiety? What the hell have I been doing with myself? What should
I be doing with myself? I sit here at 3:21am thinking about these things, because this semester has taught me that sleep is a waste of time. I wake up every morning and immediately begin counting the hours, and finding that I need more; 24 hours in a day isn't enough.
Such is my current state of my mind, and I feel that I have changed immensely on the inside. I used to let nothing stress me out or worry me, but now look at me, I whine and moan constantly about school. I do my best to suppress it and not dump on my family/friends, but I let it leak out sometimes. I am not happy with what this semester has made me. I am not a happy man at this moment in time, and this is why I am writing this, so while I reflect during the summer I can look back at this and remember exactly what I was feeling during this semester. Do I want to continue going through this? What else can
After this coming Monday, I will begin my reflection period. Who knows what life may throw at me, hell I could win the lottery tomorrow. I want to stay positive, but I am finding it very hard to do so right now. I can now feel sleep sneaking up on me, so I will conclude this unnecessarily long ramble of a blog. I will probably read this tomorrow and be embarrassed, but regardless this is staying up all summer.