My Ultimate MMA -Massive Mayan Apocalypse- Card (satire)
As the clock ticks toward the apocalypse, once again, the doomsday preppers are loading their guns and locking their bunkers. Although the Mayans could not foresee their own collapse in the 9th century, it seems likely that they have predicted the end of the world correctly. And like a Japanese schoolboy on New Year’s Eve, I’d rather sit in front of the TV and watch MMA than join the world in making a fool of itself.
So with just one more chance for the best marital artists in the world to prove their greatness, they have descended upon McNichols Arena, the site of UFC 1, for one final night of battle. As the world’s dignitaries begin to file into the arena, which has been relocated deep into the heart of the Rocky Mountains, Joe Rogan welcomes the crowd, since his alien invasion bunker was conveniently located nearby.
Here's my card:
Jacare vs Maia
Lombard vs Belfort
Henderson vs Melendez
Aldo vs Edgar
GSP vs Hendricks
Overeem vs. JDS
Fedor vs Couture
Jones vs Anderson Silva
Sakuraba vs Rickson as a true sign of the apocalypse.
Alistair Overeem v Junior Dos Santos
The heavyweights are up next. The crowd is finally full and Bruce Buffer, ignoring the existence of previous fights, welcomes everyone to the show. There is a quiet rumble that spreads throughout the building and agitates the crowd. It gets louder and louder until Alistair Overeem bounds out of the locker room. Overeem has once again undergone metamorphosis and Ubereem has returned. Junior dos Santos complains about the lack of drug testing, but his pleas fall on deaf ears.
Dos Santos uses his technical striking and footwork to attack from the outside. Ubereem snarls in return and spams left and right hooks. Eventually, Ubereem grabs a hold of dos Santos’s right arm and tears it off. As the UFC champion laid in an ever-growing puddle of blood, Ubereem holds the appendage over his head and screams in victory. He runs through the cage and continues his rampage in the crowd. Animal control units are sent in to tranquilize Ubereem and allow the card to continue.
I have had with things like this in the past. Made threads like "if you could only see 1 more card, how does it look?"
So I'll pretend it's like that.
JDS vs Overeem- Standup war with JDS winning by KO, love it.
Fedor vs Shogun
Lombard vs Bisping- seeing Mike layed out again, priceless.
Chuck vs Tito- Chuck knocks him out again
Nate Diaz vs Anthony Pettis
Gilbert Melendez vs Eddie Alvarez
Michael Chandler vs Ben Henderson
Wanderlei Silva vs Robbie Lawler
Melvin Manhoef vs Cung Le
Crusher vs Mendes
Jose Aldo vs Pat Curran
Mousasi vs lil Nog
Rampage vs Cro Cop
I can go on forever!
No Jon Jones, Anderson Silva or GSP?
Seeing one last H-Bomb would be nice, but I have a hard time picturing him beating Jones at this point in their careers. I feel like it would require someone with more left in the tank than Hendo.
More fun matchups
Mark Hunt vs Dan Henderson
Gustafsson vs Machida
Jacare vs Weidman
Alexander Shlemenko vs Brian Stann
Larkin vs Rich Franklin
Barao vs McDonald
Siyar would probably have to be on the card somewhere. Perhaps against Condit or Kampmann.
Also I don't want Hunt to face someone that will try to put him on his back, so that's why I said Dan since he has an iron jaw and the power to hurt Hunt in return.
I would also love to see one of my favorite up and comers Douglas Lima in action. I think he matches up very well vs Kampmann as well. I'm also very big on Rick Hawn and think he would matchup up well vs someone like Jim Miller. Hawn has power in his hands and Olympic level Judo that gives him great take down defense.
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