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screenamesuck · 05-19-2007, 11:26 PM

mma.tv

Quote:

May 18, 2007 (Ann Arbor) -Larry Shonk

Who is going to Wolverine Beatdown IV on Saturday?

Uh..., what is Wolverine Beatdown IV you ask? And why haven’t I heard of Wolverine Beatdown I, II, or III?

Well if you’re like me, you don’t follow the sport of mixed martial arts other than free replays of cage fights on FOX Sports at midnight when the wife and kids are soundly asleep. But let me quickly fill you in.

Wolverine Beatdown is an Ann Arbor-area showcase of young cage fighting athletes who display their better-than-mere-boxing skills in front of crowds ranging from 100 to 1000 screaming fans. Okay, you may ask, why is this news now, considering there have been three previous events and not a word reported about those shows?

Well that’s an easy answer as you will ever find. Sheldene Luscata.

Who?

Sheldene Luscata.

So who is Sheldene Luscata? Sheldene is...or let me rephrase that, Sheldene was a female chiropractor from Virginia who moved to Michigan in pursuit of her dream to get involved in movies, and, oh I almost forgot, to transform herself from a woman to a "man." Oh, and those movies she became involved in, well those would be the triple-x type of movies that we all have seen at least once in our lives.

Presto, Sheldene is now a "male" porn star know as Buck Naked. Save the laughs for later please.

What the h*** does this nonsense have to do with sports and why am I of all people writing an article about it? Well brace yourselves, you may want to tighten your hats, button your shirts, and sit down. Buck, or Mr. Naked, whichever you prefer, will be fighting, yes fighting, in this weekend’s Wolverine Beatdown IV. And Buck will be fighting a man, or I guess I should say another man.

Hardcore mixed martial arts fans have expressed their utmost discontent for Buck even being remotely associated with their now-flourishing sport. Owner/President of Wolverine Beatdown, Elias Jacobs, initially even refused to allow Buck to sign up as a competitor for the event. But after a complaint was filed by "Mr. Naked" with the athletic commission, and after receiving a letter threatening a possible discrimination lawsuit, Mr. Jacobs has opted to allow Mr. Naked to compete in this weekend’s festivities.

Ask around and you will hear that this event, Wolvering Beatdown IV, is the event to see this weekend. Many people are furious, some are curious, and yet others are quite anxious about this "historic" night for mixed martial arts. Rumors of those who may be attending Wolverine Beatdown IV include rock guitarist Kid Rock, infamous biker/actor Chuck Zito, and representatives for the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance. What a crowd!

Tickets are selling for $50 at the door, and the number of tickets is said to be limited to 1200. From what I am hearing, Wolverine Beatdown IV is already nearly sold out.

And would you believe that as I am writing this article, Wolverine Beatdown President Elias Jacobs returned my phone call less than one half hour ago to inform that Mr. Naked’s opponent for Wolverine Beatdown IV will be Jonathon Turnberry, who reportedly has an undefeated record with all wins by way of knock out.

For some reason I thought I could detect a smile on Mr. Jacob’s face as he hung up the phone.

Welcome to the World of Sports in 2007.

I think I will retire now.

Larry Shonk is a syndicated sports columnist for the AP News."

ricefarmer · 05-20-2007, 04:21 AM

any pics?

Jordanator · 05-20-2007, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ricefarmer

any naked pics?

What's wrong with you?

screenamesuck · 05-20-2007, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jordanator

What's wrong with you?

lol, I'm sure some pics will pop up sometime lol.

Deadpool · 05-20-2007, 12:44 PM

I kept telling myself I was misreading the thread title.

TheJame · 05-20-2007, 12:47 PM

I hope he/she brutally KO's his/her opponent.

Jordanator · 05-20-2007, 01:23 PM

Haha I don't think they would ever live it down. What if someone like Chuck had a sex change? Would he be able to compete in womens MMA? Maybe Crocop should, then he might be able to win a title.