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Old 12-21-2010, 09:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Please read and share your story. This is deep.

Before I get to the part which is MMA related, I would like to give you some background information on myself so you can understand the level & depth of emotion involved.
I am 29 years old, work full time, go to school part time, and recently began training in MMA 3 times per week. This is my life.....nothing more.

I am the youngest of 4 boys and when I was living at home, I was content with my life. I was doing all the right things; working, going to school, & paying for my own expenses. My mom was always proud of me for these reasons so I thought I was headed in the right direction. After all, my mom was my moral guide throughout my life and an enormous influence on a lot of the choices I made (as are most moms).

I was 24 the first time I moved out of my mom's house. I moved in with some friends simply because I wanted the independence that comes with living away from home. I was enrolled in college part time and was working full time. As time passed, I started realizing that I was not where I wanted to be in life. Before I discovered MMA, I had an idea of what I wanted but I lacked the initiative to do anything about it. It was just a dream to me and truthfully, it wasn't even logical. My heart was in some unknown place.

I am short tempered and moody at times and anyone who knows me would be in complete agreeance. I always wondered what was wrong with me and thought about the irony of the fact that I was in school for psychology and couldn't figure it out. I was frustrated with life in general. My life is very routine (which I kind of like). On the other hand, my life is boring, I need more friends, I hate my job, I'm drowning in bills, etc. These things sound normal but it's a trickle down effect that leads to the most petty things imaginable. I knew it was wasted energy but I never changed. I felt like I was on a roller coaster.

My mom suddenly and unexpectedly died 2 years ago and although I knew she was proud of me, I still had regrets. This was the time I started thinking about how I could've been a better son. I didn't think I'd be able to pull through. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I wasn't afraid of anything happening anymore because I didn't care. Since it was so sudden, I started worrying about my brothers and how I can lose them too. I was a zombie and the only thing that kept me going was time that I couldn't stop. However, my life & my emotions eventually went back to normal considering the circumstances. (This is all relevant to my point).

I have been a fan of MMA for a while now and about 3 months ago, I had a sudden and unexplained urge to start doing it myself. A couple of situations occurred that I accepted as signs that lead to my epiphany and decision to pursue it. And so I did. I started a couple of weeks ago. The anticipation leading up to my first day was overwhelming. I was nervous, scared, anxious, & excited all at once. I realized that this is what I should be doing. All of my past 'normal' problems that I mentioned (with the exception of my mom's death) became meaningless non-sense to me. I knew once I started that I would become my ideal self and realize what is most important in life.

When I started, it was not what I expected. It was rough and I felt ackward because I didn't know anyone and was surrounded by people who were more experienced. After the first and second class, I felt completely discouraged. I felt depressed that things were not working out as I'd hoped but I kept telling myself..DO NOT GIVE UP! I was reading an article about MMA on my phone last night and set it down for a moment. When I picked it back up, the first sentence I read was "Even if you feel completely discouraged, do not give up." I believe that sometimes things are put in front of you as a sign and so once again, I accepted it as such.

So, I came from training just before I posted this thread and who would've thought that your first submission on your opponent can hold such power. I was improving!! Tonight I realized that not giving up was exactly what I needed. For the first time, and as crazy as it sounds, I literally felt my mom's emotions in that moment and I knew she was more proud than ever before. I finally felt like I lived up to the man she raised me to be. It was like BAM! The stars aligned and I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The 'unknown' place I found my heart was waiting for me in MMA. The feeling of dignity was indescribable. I was so happy and proud of myself that it almost made me cry and I needed to share it. I hope that anyone that reads this gets something good out of it. I truly hope that my story can serve as an inspiration to people who feel like giving up. Not just in MMA but in anything. I hope that at least 1 person that reads this gets the chance to experience what I did tonight. Especially if it's in the most f*cking awesome sport in the world! Thank you for taking the time to read this. Good night!
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Old 12-21-2010, 09:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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As just going to a new camp myself i found myself in the same situation. Just got to remember your not there to make friends,you are there to train and better yourself, making friends while doing it is just a plus.

You should be worried about your brothers as they should be worried about you. Nothing in this world is thicker then the love for family. Hell if your brothers like mma get them to go train with you, who knows it might help all of you. There is a few things i have learned in life at a young age.

1. You can pick friends you cant pick your family

2. If you live for everyone else for all your life you will have no life.

3. Dont take life too sersiouly nobody gets out alive.

Last but not least

You are your brothers keeper

Hope this helps.
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Old 12-21-2010, 09:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for posting that man and I wish you the best in life and in training.
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Old 12-21-2010, 10:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I very much enjoyed the read and although my addition to the story is a little bit off subject I can appreciate the affect that loved ones that have passed can have on a persons life.

My father retired at 45 and gave my mother everything that she ever wanted. Five children, nice house, affection, loyalty, and anything else she asked for, including the Cadillac she always wanted. Sadly they divorced a few years before his death mainly from him being an asshole like always but he swore he would be back.

As a hobby he raised homing pigeons as he had done during his childhood. Racing pigeons were his passion later in his life along with the Oakland Raiders. He died on Jan 22, 2005 and although every racing bird was taken from the house by my brother, swarms of pigeons still haunt my mothers home. They nest there, damage the roof, shit on the cars, and are generally a nuisance.

My mother along with all my siblings conclude that my father is in fact carrying out his promise but it wasn't until a Raiders game a couple years ago that I was completely convinced.

My father loved the Raiders since the late 1960's and when I see this clip I'd love to think that that was my father reincarnated as his favorite animal on his favorite team



Whatever makes you feel better is a blessing and this is one for me. Good luck in the future
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks for posting. That's a genuine and heartfelt story and a very interesting read.

I've never done MMA bit I've been studying judo for a couple of years now and I can share some of your experiences. When I'm on the ground and working for a submission it feels like nothing else in the world matters, it's amazing. I've been injured for ages now and haven't been able to train. It's disheartening but stories like yours provide me with the inspiration I need to get back into it.

Thanks.
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Old 12-22-2010, 06:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Good read. Thx for posting.

Out of interest, were you raised by a single Mother and do you know your Father? Just found it a bit off that he wasn't mentioned here.

I can relate, whilst I'm nearly 30 now, my father passed away when I was 21. I found boxing as this sport for me, where I 'belonged' but luckily I found it when I was about 12. Moving more into the MMA world now though, having done everything I wished to do in boxing.
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks for sharing that cool story. Not going to bore people with my story which is kinda similar, but suffice to say I never really knew anything I was good at and felt good doing until Big Nog got me into MMA that fateful night.

I've never gave up and never looked back. Hope things work out for you buddy.
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:35 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Fantastic post buddy! I'm glad you have managed to find some peace through MMA. Like I always say - Fighting solves EVERYTHING!
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Old 12-23-2010, 11:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RustyRenegade View Post
I very much enjoyed the read and although my addition to the story is a little bit off subject I can appreciate the affect that loved ones that have passed can have on a persons life.

My father retired at 45 and gave my mother everything that she ever wanted. Five children, nice house, affection, loyalty, and anything else she asked for, including the Cadillac she always wanted. Sadly they divorced a few years before his death mainly from him being an asshole like always but he swore he would be back.

As a hobby he raised homing pigeons as he had done during his childhood. Racing pigeons were his passion later in his life along with the Oakland Raiders. He died on Jan 22, 2005 and although every racing bird was taken from the house by my brother, swarms of pigeons still haunt my mothers home. They nest there, damage the roof, shit on the cars, and are generally a nuisance.

My mother along with all my siblings conclude that my father is in fact carrying out his promise but it wasn't until a Raiders game a couple years ago that I was completely convinced.

My father loved the Raiders since the late 1960's and when I see this clip I'd love to think that that was my father reincarnated as his favorite animal on his favorite team



Whatever makes you feel better is a blessing and this is one for me. Good luck in the future
That pigeon on the field was no coincidence. That is awesome! Just like I said in my post......signs are put in front of you.........
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Old 12-23-2010, 11:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fine Wine View Post
Good read. Thx for posting.

Out of interest, were you raised by a single Mother and do you know your Father? Just found it a bit off that he wasn't mentioned here.

I can relate, whilst I'm nearly 30 now, my father passed away when I was 21. I found boxing as this sport for me, where I 'belonged' but luckily I found it when I was about 12. Moving more into the MMA world now though, having done everything I wished to do in boxing.
Thank you for reading and replying. Yes, I was raised by a single mother. I do have a relationship with my dad but my parents divorced when I was very young. I moved to Florida when I was 9 and my dad stayed in Chicago. I only saw him on the occasional vacation so my mom pretty much did it on her own. Good luck to you in MMA.
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