Bad news: it’s starting to look like this thing is really happening. Worse news: as if the combatants themselves weren’t awful enough, the injection of special rules qualify it as an early runner for the least-meaningful highly-publicized fight ever.
Realizing that 47 year old Ken Shamrock has lost a lot of spring in his step and that the 42 year old James Toney required Photoshop to get in shape for his infamous MMA debut against Randy Couture at UFC 118, the promoters thought it wise to give the pair plenty of stool time. The fight will be contested in eight 3-minute rounds. Further eliminating any shred of credibility the bout may have feigned, there will be a thirty-second “shot clock” once the fight hits the mat. Clearly the promoters did their research and realized that if anything’s going to happen on the ground, it is guaranteed to go down within half a minute of hitting the mat. Besides, inserting arbitrary rules into a fight to create an exciting “striker vs. grappler” match-up always goes so well.
As a lifelong Ken Shamrock fan, you’re probably relieved that he’ll get a chance to work his magic in the stand-up without the threat of Toney’s relentless leg-lock attacks. Well, congrats, you know your Shamrock well:
“I’m going to get in his face. I’m going to put my gloves in his face, and I’m going to rough him up. Because he’s used to fighting nice, pretty boxing. I know how to fight dirty boxing. I’m going to get in his face and I’m going to beat him up… I promise you I will not take him down, not until I put my hands in your face and I put a beating on you and then I’ll take you down and then I’ll play with you.”
Erotic stuff, Ken. This bout is expected to go down in the lawless badlands of Texas in September. There are any number of reasons why it won’t actually take place, and we’ll be holding our breath until the opening bell that this bout joins the list of fights that were “over before they started”, but until then we’ll milk this shit for all it’s worth. Fight picking contest, anyone?… Anyone?