What are things I can do at home to
A. work on my endurance (its pathetic)
O.K. I need to say this first because it's important: there's only so much you can do at home. Mat time is important. Make sure you log it in whenever you can. Working the techniques under the guidance of a good instructor and drilling them with talented, tough training partners is the best way to get better.
That said, there are lots of things that are worth practicing at home, lots of drills that can help you.
The best thing from grappling conditioning, from my experience, is to do pullups and burpees. Both of these will make you stronger and help build the kind of cardio conditioning that grappling demands.
B. become a decent grappler
That said, there are lots of things that are worth practicing at home, lots of drills that can help you.
The first is stretching. Developing a good guard is all about having flexibility. Work basic stretches and help to develop that flexibility and you'll see an improvement in your guard game, for sure.
Work out when you can.
I use a grip trainer, as a gi grappler, to help build my grips. I use the thing when I'm just hanging out with people, keep it in my pocket when I'm working out. It's something I actually picked up from a buddy of mine who does wrestling and rock climbing and has really good grips.
There are plenty of other drills, and I'm not going to go into all of them. I'd buy the Encyclopedia of Joint Mobility DVD series by Steve Maxwell. I've trained with Steve (who's a BJJ blackbelt, on top of being a world class conditioning coach) and will say that those drills still help me improve, even as I've been doing them for a long time.
did you feel discouraged when you first started?
Honestly, I started a long time ago, and don't really remember having an adverse reaction to training.
I've never really minded getting beaten up by bigger, better guys.
Remember that it's a learning process. Everybody starts off getting the sh*t kicked out of them. Then you figure out the basics, then you get better, then you start beating people.
It's a process. It's not just going to magically fall into place one day. It's about putting in the time, taking your licks, and pushing through the workouts.