“Kumite Express leaves in five minutes!”
At the age of 49, Jean Claude Van Damme (yes—the high-powered action movie star) has expressed a sincere interest in setting up a professional kickboxing fight in a regulated K-1 bout against Somluck Kamsing, a 35-year-old former Olympic boxing gold medalist, in March of this year.
[PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER]
[PAUSE AGAIN FOR THE DISGUST TO SET IN]
Are you starting to sense an up-and-coming trend, fight fans?
“You always told me to keep an open mind!”—Frank Dux, Bloodsport
Sure, Randy Couture is 46 years of age, and Mark Coleman is 45, but can they do the splits between two chairs?
I think not.
“The Muscles from Brussels” has been studying martial arts since the age of 10.
At the age of 16, Van Damme took up ballet, which he then studied for several years. In hindsight, Van Damme describes his ballet experience as being “one of the most difficult sports” to train for.
“If you can survive a ballet workout, you can survive a workout in any other sport.”
Kinda makes Herschel Walker’s comments about mixed-martial arts as being “the most difficult thing that [he] has ever done,” seem a bit ridiculous.
Obviously, Walker had never tried ballet.
And please don’t take what I’m saying as being sarcastic. Ballet is a beautiful, graceful, and incredibly precise form of physical and artistic expression.
Just the thought of Van Damme landing a roundhouse pirouette upside Kamsing’s noggin is enough to give me goose bumps all over my naked, sweaty body.
[PAUSE FOR IMAGERY]
I would wish Van Damme all the best of luck, but the truth is, he doesn’t need it. He has the memory and experience of his 18 amateur fights (from over 30 years ago) to draw from.
Clearly, the Olympic boxing champion stands no chance.