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Old 09-06-2013, 08:16 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by joshua7789 View Post
Ive never understood open marriages or relationships. They do away with the only truly distinctive thing about being married or in a relationship (the manogomy) and throw it out the window. What is the point of being married at that point? There is little difference between being married and living with a good friend that you sometimes bone at that point.
Well, in some cases there is still the primary partner who you love, and want to be married to. If having sex with other people is something you desire and both partners are ok with it, it might actually SAVE a marriage, as far more marriages are broken up by dishonest cheating than honest openness.
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Old 09-06-2013, 08:37 PM   #62 (permalink)
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You two can go orgy every single night with random groups of people and I wouldn't think of it the slightest.
I'm down for this.

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Old 09-07-2013, 03:06 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by TanyaJade View Post
Oh dude I won't freak out on you I promise haha.

EDIT:
I think you misread my post. I don't mind him sleeping with the woman from the gym (it was part of the agreement) I'm the one who feels guilty for doing what I'm doing.
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Old 09-07-2013, 04:14 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by TanyaJade View Post
My husband and I recently decided to make our marriage "semi-open" about a month ago. The conditions being:

- We're not allowed to enter a romantic relationship with anyone we engage in sexual relations with.
- It can't be a person from off the street.
- They're not allowed to be around the kids nor are they welcome in the house while the kids are around. Nor are we allowed to be in the company of them when in the company of each other.
- If sexual relations do occur at our house, it has to be in the guest bedroom.
- We decided when we got married that no matter what the circumstances were, if we didn't love each other anymore and wanted to get a divorce, then we would stay together until the twins graduated high school.

I'm happy with my husband and he's a great Dad and fun in the sack and everything but he's really vanilla. He goes to work, comes home, helps out with the kids and then either watches sports or the Outdoor channel. On the weekends he goes to the same dive bar with two of his buddies and plays pool and darts. Rinse and repeat. There's nothing wrong with it, it just gets old. He spends plenty of time with me and I'm still very much in love with him but he's just...Boring.

I'm a lot more spontaneous and like to go out and have fun when I'm not being a mom. I have a pretty mundane job (accountant) and I love my kiddos more than anything but I'm still young, you know?

We've been open and honest about everything with each other. He flirts with one of his female friends a lot and I can tell they're both attracted to each other in a physical way but I know he would never leave me for her or anything. Conversely even though I identify as bisexual I haven't seen another girl (outside of a few celebrities/models) that I've fantasized about in a while. I dated women almost exclusively from 14-21 but would sleep with a guy every now and then. Eventually guys started being more fun than girls and hey oh, now I'm married to a guy. Except recently. There's this hot young 22 year old that just graduated that works for accounts payable at the University, who my firm does a lot of business with. 6'0 ft tall, strong tan legs, DD's, deliciously thick lips, everything. I found out she was into girls about two weeks ago and we went out for coffee. Next thing you know, we're making out in her apartment and it eventually led to...Other things . Long story short it was some awesome sex and it's been forever since I've been with a girl.

I told my husband about it and he seemed to receive it pretty well and even gave me a "fist bump" for it. The hubby and I then proceeded to make our way to the bedroom. This was in the same day. Our sex life has actually gotten BETTER ironically and we seem to be getting along even better than before.

Fast forward two weeks later,
I'm now pretty much having a full blown affair with this girl. I even call her my "girlfriend" and my husband doesn't object. We'll go out and do things that normally my husband wouldn't be interested in. We have awesome sexual chemistry too and she understands that our relationship isn't going to go anywhere. She's a cool girl, but really she's just a hot young thing that I can spoil, have sex with, and occasionally hang out with. I have no serious feelings for her. I go on my half vacation in two weeks, and my "girlfriend" and I are going on a cruise.

All of a sudden I feel REALLY guilty that I'm taking a week off from work, a week off from my family, to go on a cruise with some hot young thing and pretty much have sex on tropical islands with her. Not to mention, only three days ago did my husband start sleeping with someone else. A girl at the gym we go to, who is also married and is a bit older (my husband has always been attracted to older women). I kind of want to call this thing off after the cruise but now that my husband is actually engaging in his part of the agreement, I think that would seem unfair.


Thoughts?
I don't want to sound preachy but here's my take. You're playing with fire and giving up a loving (even if it may have settled into a boring loveless seeming routine, it is there somewhere, you can't be together for so long without it budding up) stable relationship, your kids health, and your long term emotional sanity for what is basically a stupid fling that won't matter to you one whit in a few months to a year. Period.

Whatever agreements you put on it are meaningless, you can't change human nature and the nature of love. Sooner or later your husband is gonna think that this girl from the gym, club, blah treats me so much better and cares for me so much more than my wife who isn't even interested in me, thinks I'm boring and runs off on cruises without me with random people. And that girl probably WILL be treating him better at that point simply because she has no responsibilities and all the motivation to get a good catch, a younger guy than her even. Or you may feel the same with this girl you're seeing or some guy. All your agreements will be worth jack then, there is absolutely nothing to hold anyone to them. It is inevitable.

It's no different from what breaks up most marriages, and ask most divorced couples what they would pick if they could go back and have the choice again. It's different if the spouse is physically abusive etc., but most of the time it's not so great.

I don't mean to judge because it is not my place and you're far from the first person to try something like this. I'm sure you mean well and it seems harmless at first.

My humble suggestion is to try and bring the spice back in your own marriage, try new things in bed the internet is full of suggestions (don't invite others in though, that is just the same kind of trouble), find common grounds and interests you both like to do (art, travel, picnics etc.) , tell him how your boring routine is starting to get stifling, give time to each other, take some crazy exotic holidays together, switch jobs or give it up to concentrate on your personal and family life for now, move to different place, country whatever ... but most of all GIVE to each other instead of thinking ME, I'm not getting what I want. More often than not your partner will be more receptive and reciprocative if he is getting care in return too.

IMHO It is not too late, I have seen couples get back into a loving and exciting relationships from much farther out than yours. My closest uncle (mother's brother) was hooked on hookers and blow while his wife was busy stacking up diamonds and porches with his money, they were on the verge of divorce and their two preteen kids were turning into angry ADD wrecks. Thing is NEITHER of them was happy with it ... that's not what they wanted and broke down when they talked about it. They just didn't trust each other anymore.

We talked a lot in those days, and eventually they decided to give up whatever things they thought were important at the time and concentrate on giving to each other. If you see them today, years later, they are one of the most loving couples and you couldn't tell they ever went through that. Completely devoted to each other, their children, travelling the world, and good to each other and everyone around them,

IMHO it would be best to think more about everything before you make your choices ... it's your life either way and your happiness is what's important, but we don't always know what makes us happy until we think about it.
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Old 09-07-2013, 04:21 AM   #65 (permalink)
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I think she's doing the right thing if her husband is cool with it anyways, swinger kind of deals aren't known to end badly and not as commonly as regular relationships that most of the time become stagnant and people get simply sick of eachother.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:03 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by UFC_OWNS View Post
I think she's doing the right thing if her husband is cool with it anyways, swinger kind of deals aren't known to end badly and not as commonly as regular relationships that most of the time become stagnant and people get simply sick of eachother.
Nope. I don't know a single couple that separated or got bored of each other that both gave each other time, care and put the others needs first.

And I don't know a single swinger couple that stayed together. Not one, and I know dozens.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:07 AM   #67 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Liddellianenko View Post
Nope. I don't know a single couple that separated or got bored of each other that both gave each other time, care and put the others needs first.

And I don't know a single swinger couple that stayed together. Not one, and I know dozens.
Well that's strange it's the exact opposite of what I have seen either way how many marriages have been destroyed through one person simply can't stand always being around the other, or find out the person you married is actually a cuaant when things dont go there way. Worst case scenario is eventually it doesn't work out and they say at least we tried something. Most people who aren't whipped and or a slave to there spouse really need there space and seeing other people sometimes
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:14 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by UFC_OWNS View Post
Well that's strange it's the exact opposite of what I have seen either way how many marriages have been destroyed through one person simply can't stand always being around the other, or find out the person you married is actually a cuaant when things dont go there way. Worst case scenario is eventually it doesn't work out and they say at least we tried something. Most people who aren't whipped and or a slave to there spouse really need there space and seeing other people sometimes
You clearly aren't married.

Whatever, believe what you guys will, it's your lives. I've said my piece.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:18 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Liddellianenko View Post
You clearly aren't married.

Whatever, believe what you guys will, it's your lives. I've said my piece.
No I never said I was, maybe you are married and you are projecting your own feelings into this. Either way that's your opinion this is mine no need for being salty.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:56 AM   #70 (permalink)
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HOw do I sign up for this type of relationship...open marriage concept. Me likey...as long as wifey is with another lady.
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