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Old 03-04-2009, 04:55 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Talking F**k My Life: The Website

http://www.fmylife.com/

There is some absolute gold in here.

Quote:
Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills.
Quote:
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer.
Quote:
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing."
Quote:
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the f**k out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML
Quote:
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Quote:
Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad.
Quote:
Today, I was presenting a powerpoint. As I plugged in the cord that connected my computer to the projector, I had forgotten what my boyfriend had set my desktop picture to the night before. I opened my laptop and projected on the wall was me nude. I go to Catholic school. FML
Quote:
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain.
Quote:
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML
Quote:
Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML
Quote:
Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML
You know, after reading all that I feel quite good about myself.
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Originally Posted by ThaFranchise View Post
I've said it before but it deserves repeating, "Theres 3 guarantees in life, death, Fedor, and bitches be crazy" .


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Old 03-04-2009, 09:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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That is hilarious. i would have been laughing at the "need a hand" comment as well

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Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML
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Old 03-04-2009, 11:33 AM   #3 (permalink)
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"Can we snuggle with my dick in you" Thats classic.
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I think this one could be in the Strange Fantasies Thread.

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Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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My friends check that site religiously everyday.

I think most of them are made up and fake but still they are hilarious.
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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haha, I found this place a few months ago. Some of it's too amazing to happen, but I can still dream...
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I think this one could be in the Strange Fantasies Thread.
Along those lines:

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Old 03-04-2009, 04:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Most sounds fake, but still funny as fack. lol
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Old 03-04-2009, 04:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
Quote:
Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother in law. FML
Quote:
Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML
Quote:
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parentsí bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML
Quote:
Today, my 14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said "I thought it was nice". I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML
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Originally Posted by ThaFranchise View Post
I've said it before but it deserves repeating, "Theres 3 guarantees in life, death, Fedor, and bitches be crazy" .


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Old 03-04-2009, 05:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
hehehehe
Quote:
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML
I don't believe it - but yeah take that bitch

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