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swpthleg 10-10-2009 07:43 PM

The Laws of the Universe Thread
Certain laws of the universe are a given, like, the other line moves faster, hot women being with total douchebags b/c they have a lot of money, and so forth.

I want to dig a little deeper though, because sometimes we talk about laws of the universe that are not talked about.

For example:


If you go into your favorite restaurant and you see that you have your least favorite server in the section where you sit, you can be sure that the people before you will have given him or her a very detailed order for a vast amount of food, with explanations for each request. The server's patience will be worn to a fine thread by the time they get to you and you just got boned, cuz.


If you are in an eating/drinking establishmen with your significant other, superior at work, lifelong friend, or anyone whom you need to have an exceptionally important conversation with at that time, for whatever reason, someone will pump enough to significantly defray the debt of several African nations into the jukebox, playing the worst music you can think of that is the polar opposite of whatever mood you are trying to create or advance.


Whenever two or more women are in one place by themselves, they lez out. Cartman referenced this in the "Marjorine" episode of South Park whilst preparing Butters to attend the sleepover. I have been told that whenever a group of men are suddenly quiet for any reason, it is because they sense that somewhere, women lezzed out. I realize there is a "if a tree falls in the forest does anyone hear it" factor, and I can't recall the last time that I saw a group of men be quiet, but my source was the great MC, and he has Emerson-conferred knowledge.

OK guys, your turn.

M.C 10-10-2009 07:49 PM

Oh, nice list. Yes, it's true, men can sense women lezzing out when they are near.

To add to the lezzing out section, all female waxers are lesbians. They get the job only to have lesbian sex with the women going in for their waxing.

RushFan 10-12-2009 09:49 AM

"The bigger they are the harder they fall" is not a proven theory and should never be applied when approached by bouncers.

You can never find the perfect Avocado.

Nice guys don't always finish last but women always prefer they did.

TheGrizzlyBear 10-12-2009 10:02 AM

Tough guys are never actually tough, Quiet guys are the ones to watch out for.

LV 2 H8 U 10-12-2009 10:25 AM

If you had a big pecker then your face would be the problem. Either way your not getting laid.

swpthleg 10-12-2009 11:35 AM


Originally Posted by LV 2 H8 U (Post 1017616)
If you had a big pecker then your face would be the problem. Either way your not getting laid.

Yes, when women are not lezzing out in various fitting rooms, locker rooms, dorm rooms etc., we do pay attention to who is attached to a package, should we find ourselves with a man.

HexRei 10-20-2009 07:07 AM

If you have to poop, stairs are your nemesis. Running up stairs will make the poop crawl back up and by the time you get to the toilet you will have to spend five minutes rearming those torpedoes.

Biowza 10-20-2009 08:30 AM

Cl= [L/(1/2)p(v^2)S]
P1 + 1/2p(V1^2) + pgh1 = P2 + 1/2p(V2^2) + pgh2
L = pUK

ZZtigerZZ81 10-20-2009 07:05 PM

When you are at a store and in a hurry the person/people in front of you will always have coupons and pay with checks.

If you are on a first date or a company occasion you will either have gas, underwear that won't stay out of your ass, or say something early on that the other people didn't get or you failed to properly communicate.

If you wear a white shirt...your lunch or some random stain will always find its way to it.

Politicians always suck.

SimplyNate 10-21-2009 11:43 PM

Old men will walk around the locker room naked for at least 5 minutes after they have showered! It is there duty apparently.

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