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Old 07-17-2010, 10:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed View Post
A jet is flying across the country when suddenly one of the engines goes off and the pilot decides that they have to get rid of some of the weight, and to do it fairly he announces that they will do it in alphabetic order.

"A!" says the pilot, 'are there any African Americans?"

Nobody answers.

"B! Are there any blacks?"

Again nobody answers.

"C! Are there any coloured people?"

And yet again nobody answers.

Then, a small afro-american boy says to his father sitting right next to him: "But, daddy, aren't we african american, black and coloured?"
The father answers: "No, son, today we're N-bombs - let the mexicans go first!"
LOL slap a spoiler on that
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Old 07-18-2010, 11:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed View Post
A jet is flying across the country when suddenly one of the engines goes off and the pilot decides that they have to get rid of some of the weight, and to do it fairly he announces that they will do it in alphabetic order.

"A!" says the pilot, 'are there any African Americans?"

Nobody answers.

"B! Are there any blacks?"

Again nobody answers.

"C! Are there any coloured people?"

And yet again nobody answers.

Then, a small afro-american boy says to his father sitting right next to him: "But, daddy, aren't we african american, black and coloured?"
The father answers: "No, son, today we're N-bombs - let the mexicans go first!"
In the lead so far, Need someone to beat this. And by the way I just had a kid so dead baby jokes was not the right way to go.
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:00 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KnockinUout View Post
I am not going to give a time limit on this one. I want to hear the funniest joke ever. I want to read clean, racist, sexist and anything in between. DO NOT HOLD BACK. I will try not to let this go on to long but I think we need some good laughs. After there is a winner maybe we can keep it going and change the title to funniest joke ever thread.
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It's funny when a bunch of guys get in a car, someone always shouts shotgun and nobody cares, do it on a plane and it's a whole different story.
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Old 07-19-2010, 12:10 AM   #14 (permalink)
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In the week leading up World Cup, Rob Green the England Goal Keeper was training away from the rest of the team in a private camp, during that time he had 10,000 shots taken against his from all possible angles inside the box and did not concede a single goal to earn his place as England first choice keeper. After the week was up Green and Heskey then returned to join the rest of the Squad.
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Old 07-19-2010, 01:03 AM   #15 (permalink)
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An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up.

This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly.

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."
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Old 07-19-2010, 05:56 PM   #16 (permalink)
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There was this 16 year old girl and tonight is prom night. She comes home and asks her dad to borrow the keys to the car.
"Daddy Daddy, tonights the prom, can I borrow the keys to the car.
"No, I will not let you borrow the keys"
"Oh Daddy please please!"
"OK, heres what ya do. If you suck my dick, Ill let you borrow the keys to the car"
"Daddy, im not gonna suck your dick."
"Oh well, I guess you cant borrow the keys to the car."
The daughter thinks about for a second.
"Oh alright" she said.
She gets on her knees, unzips his fly and starts sucking his dick. All of a sudden she spits on the floor.
"Yuk, your dick taste like shit Daddy."
"Oh I forgot." He responds "I promised the keys to your brother."
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
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there once was a angry young wrestler, his name is brock lesnar, he said **** bud light they don't pay me to fight but he slobbed all their knobs at the presser
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:50 AM   #18 (permalink)
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A Russian and an American die and they both go to hell. Satan asks them, "Which hell do you prefer, the Russian or American?"
"What’s the difference?" the Russian asks.
"In the American hell, you will be forced to eat one bucket of waste every day; in the Russian, two," Satan explains.
The American decides to go to the American hell. The Russian, being a patriot, chooses the Russian hell.
One year later the two men run into one another. "How’s life?" the Russian asks.
"Can’t complain," the American answers. "I eat one bucket of waste every morning, and then I’m free for the rest of the day. What about you?"
"It couldn’t be better!" the Russian explains. "Just like back on earth! They’re either late with waste deliveries, or they’re having bucket shortages."
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
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A married man was having an affair with his secretary.One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.

Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied.

He slipped into his shoes and drove home."Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house."Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
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Old 07-20-2010, 06:09 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Brock Lesnar.

I win.
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