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M.C 07-20-2010 07:52 PM

My uncle died, but interestingly enough...
 
So, I just found out my uncle Tommy died today from some heart issue, not sure of the details yet.

He was sentenced to prison a few years ago, for shooting and killing a 64 year old man who was watering his plants on his porch, then proceeded to get 7 counts of attempted murder when the cops showed up and and he shot at the cops through his window inside the house, eventually getting shot himself and giving up.

I never really liked the guy, for obvious reasons as well as other reasons from my past, but it's odd to find out a family member, as close as an uncle, has died and yet you feel absolutely nothing.

Has anyone else had such an expeirence?

Budhisten 07-20-2010 08:11 PM

First of all, my condolences to you and your family... Sad or not, a loss is still a loss, and I feel for you man...

Actually - 5 or 6 years ago I too lost an uncle... Mine was to cancer though... As a kid I visited his farm with my family and drove tractors, got lost in fields and had all kinds of fun... But as the years went on is rarely saw him anymore... Perhaps once a year at the occasinal family-dinner or whatever...

Once I found out he died I got very, very sad and naturally I thought it was because I lost an uncle, a member of my family...
After days of being down I realized that the reason for my sadness was sympathy for my mother (who had taken the loss of her brother very hard), and not grief over the loss of my uncle...

It was a bit confusing for me to figure that out, but in the end I came to terms with the fact that I wasn't missing him because he was such a distant part of my family by the time he got sick...

Family can be a weird entity at times, but that's life :/

(Sorry for mini-rant) :P

M.C 07-20-2010 08:17 PM

Sorry to hear that. I think your sitaution is a bit different, because you had people around you who were sad, so their emotions rubbed off onto you. No such thing for me.

It's normally sad when something like this happens, but it's just an odd feeling to not even think about it, I mean, I have literally forgot about him dying a few times since I posted this, got distracted like nothing has happened.

It's very strange, but is so natural.

Budhisten 07-20-2010 08:28 PM

It is kinda weird... But the healthiest thing to do is to accept the way you feel, even when you feel nothing... I have done a lot of work with children, helping them process grief when a parent has died or something of that nature... Many people don't know how to handle grief or lack thereof.

You sound like you are aware of your lack of sorrow and why you feel that way... And because of that I think you're reacting in a very healthy and mature way, and sharing is always good :)

xeberus 07-20-2010 10:23 PM

Man I am sorry for your loss.

But to answer your question, yes. I've been to many funerals and of all my family relatives I didn't feel anything. I don't like to think of the dead as dead, if at all I remember them for the times I experienced them.

The only person who died and I cried for was a close friend of mine who died overseas. Mostly because of wasted potential, his worthless ideals and his needless sacrifice.

But I have the emotional span of a gold fish so I might not be a good reference.

Walker 07-20-2010 10:42 PM

Yeah I actually know what you are talking about- not that I had the exact situation with your uncle and his past- but with my dad's mother when she died.

In all honesty she just wasn't a nice person and though it seems bad to talk about someone who has passed like that it was tough to be around her when I was growing up and later as young adult I had a lot of problems with her when my father died. She didn't make things easier for my family and especially my mother dealing with his death, the circumstances about it and the funeral. It's something that always bothered me mainly with how it affected my mother and what she had to go through. I don't hold it against her now as time has passed and she is no longer here but I will never forget what it put my mother through.


When she died, as cold hearted as it sounds, I didn't mourn in the way that I was losing someone close to me, close to my family by blood but not in feeling to me. I was chosen as a pall-bearer and I remember thinking I wish they would have chosen someone else who felt more for her for that role. I was sad to see how it affected members of my family but it definitely didn't affect me the same way. Not to say I was happy she was gone at all but for good or bad it did not affect me very much.

M.C 07-20-2010 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xeberus (Post 1228064)
Man I am sorry for your loss.

But to answer your question, yes. I've been to many funerals and of all my family relatives I didn't feel anything. I don't like to think of the dead as dead, if at all I remember them for the times I experienced them.

The only person who died and I cried for was a close friend of mine who died overseas. Mostly because of wasted potential, his worthless ideals and his needless sacrifice.

But I have the emotional span of a gold fish so I might not be a good reference.

That's probably a good way to see things, people not as dead but as the experience you had with them. It's a lot harder to do than say, though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walker (Post 1228066)
Yeah I actually know what you are talking about- not that I had the exact situation with your uncle and his past- but with my dad's mother when she died.

In all honesty she just wasn't a nice person and though it seems bad to talk about someone who has passed like that it was tough to be around her when I was growing up and later as young adult I had a lot of problems with her when my father died. She didn't make things easier for my family and especially my mother dealing with his death, the circumstances about it and the funeral. It's something that always bothered me mainly with how it affected my mother and what she had to go through. I don't hold it against her now as time has passed and she is no longer here but I will never forget what it put my mother through.


When she died, as cold hearted as it sounds, I didn't mourn in the way that I was losing someone close to me, close to my family by blood but not in feeling to me. I was chosen as a pall-bearer and I remember thinking I wish they would have chosen someone else who felt more for her for that role. I was sad to see how it affected members of my family but it definitely didn't affect me the same way. Not to say I was happy she was gone at all but for good or bad it did not affect me very much.

Yeah, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about. It's a strange feeling to not feel nearly as bad as you think you should when someone in your family dies. It sort of makes you wonder, though, how many people will feel like that when you die?

Not that it will matter to you much once you are gone, but it's an interesting thought, I think anyways.

JimmyJames 07-20-2010 11:20 PM

I have no feeling at all for my mother.

She had 4 kids me being the oldest and basically let my father raise us. She f#cking lived across the street from my grade school and I didnt see her for like 4 years at one point in time. Sure she had drug problems as did my father but he at least tried. And did a damn good job with us kids.

I was talking to my sister the other day as July 22 in the anniversary of his death. And he both agreed that we wish it was our mother that was dead and or father was still alive.

If you are wondering my dad had a heart attack after he stopped doing drugs. Too many years of unhealthy living. My mom is currently in jail.......again. She has had 3 stints in prison and over 40 arrests to her record. What a ******* dumbass she is.

xeberus 07-20-2010 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JimmyJames (Post 1228080)
I have no feeling at all for my mother.

She had 4 kids me being the oldest and basically let my father raise us. She f#cking lived across the street from my grade school and I didnt see her for like 4 years at one point in time. Sure she had drug problems as did my father but he at least tried. And did a damn good job with us kids.

I was talking to my sister the other day as July 22 in the anniversary of his death. And he both agreed that we wish it was our mother that was dead and or father was still alive.

If you are wondering my dad had a heart attack after he stopped doing drugs. Too many years of unhealthy living. My mom is currently in jail.......again. She has had 3 stints in prison and over 40 arrests to her record. What a ******* dumbass she is.

wow man...

Take is easy. I'm a very immoral person, a sociopath according to some. But I love my mother, she is the only reason I'm not some name you hear about on some serial killer show.

No one is perfect, but maybe give her a chance. Of choice if you said the same about my father I'd say you have no idea. So take my advice with a grain of salt, and know that the next time I see my father he'll be in a box with his eyes closed and that you should ask yourself if your mom deserves the same.

JimmyJames 07-21-2010 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xeberus (Post 1228094)
wow man...

Take is easy. I'm a very immoral person, a sociopath according to some. But I love my mother, she is the only reason I'm not some name you hear about on some serial killer show.

No one is perfect, but maybe give her a chance. Of choice if you said the same about my father I'd say you have no idea. So take my advice with a grain of salt, and know that the next time I see my father he'll be in a box with his eyes closed and that you should ask yourself if your mom deserves the same.

She's had 32 years of chances with me, 29 with my sister, 27 with my brother and 16 with my youngest brother and ****ed us all over. I wish her no harm, just wish my dad was here and she wasnt. It really doesnt matter though as I havent talked to her since the late 90's and probably wont be talking to her again.

She's a horrible person and a horrible mother. Giving birth to us was the only "mothering" thing she has done for us. And I wont even get into the times she tried to be a mother while she was selling drugs living in a motel with us as kids.......

I got horrible story after horrible story about her. I could write a book of the shit she has done to us and her drug addicted boyfriends as well.

I simply dont care about her as she has never shown any sort of motherly love for me. My grandmother was my mother in my eyes, and my sisters and brothers as well.


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