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Old 07-23-2010, 03:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Need personal advice between military, ex-girlfriend and my kid

I am looking for any words weather its advice or ramblings or similar storys about what I am going to talk about.

Basically I dated a girl on and off for 8 years and the only reason we stayed together is because we make great freinds but not a good couple at all. She cheated in the beggining and had her other flings in our between moments. Well ever sence the last time we started together things have been going in good and bad directions. We got a house (In detroit).....Seemed fine but then just the same ol shit again. So we than again we were split up and she started dating someone else. Swave me I got her to do the dirty with me and then for SOMEEEE reason they broke up. Couple months later she is pregnant. Without DNA test kid is 99.9% mine. Well she is one of those girls that you can look at and say she is kinda pretty than look again and tell she can be a total bitch. She moved out and I see our son more than she does. I got a babysitter for two hours so I can go bowling and she flipped. Flipped into a mode of not letting me see my kid. Being the mother she has full custody until the court stuff. But she is nutty and does some crazy stuff. She has thrown glass ash trays at me and a master lock zoomed 2 inches from my head. Her whole family is like that. BUT THE MORAL TO THE STORY: I am self employed and cannot prove my income. The court does not like that. If things go twisted she can end up with full custody and I will not be able to see my son.I AM NOT A HUGE GO SHOOT PEOPLE DOWN FAN. But if I cannot see my kid anyways and want to create a future for him is it a good idea to join the military? I am not patriotic but I am the kind to fit into a military personality. But if I stay back I can fight more to see my son. Who has joined the service just because and came back thinking that was the dumbest thing ever? I heard good and bad about everything but if I can get the same benefits over here than there would be no point.
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Old 07-23-2010, 05:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by KnockinUout View Post
I am looking for any words weather its advice or ramblings or similar storys about what I am going to talk about.

Basically I dated a girl on and off for 8 years and the only reason we stayed together is because we make great freinds but not a good couple at all. She cheated in the beggining and had her other flings in our between moments. Well ever sence the last time we started together things have been going in good and bad directions. We got a house (In detroit).....Seemed fine but then just the same ol shit again. So we than again we were split up and she started dating someone else. Swave me I got her to do the dirty with me and then for SOMEEEE reason they broke up. Couple months later she is pregnant. Without DNA test kid is 99.9% mine. Well she is one of those girls that you can look at and say she is kinda pretty than look again and tell she can be a total bitch. She moved out and I see our son more than she does. I got a babysitter for two hours so I can go bowling and she flipped. Flipped into a mode of not letting me see my kid. Being the mother she has full custody until the court stuff. But she is nutty and does some crazy stuff. She has thrown glass ash trays at me and a master lock zoomed 2 inches from my head. Her whole family is like that. BUT THE MORAL TO THE STORY: I am self employed and cannot prove my income. The court does not like that. If things go twisted she can end up with full custody and I will not be able to see my son.I AM NOT A HUGE GO SHOOT PEOPLE DOWN FAN. But if I cannot see my kid anyways and want to create a future for him is it a good idea to join the military? I am not patriotic but I am the kind to fit into a military personality. But if I stay back I can fight more to see my son. Who has joined the service just because and came back thinking that was the dumbest thing ever? I heard good and bad about everything but if I can get the same benefits over here than there would be no point.

Clearly she is no good, you have established that at this point and are in your mind done with her in terms of a relationship i am guessing???? Yes??

If so, you need to stay and fight for your kid, it is a way bigger deal that you are around to watch, help, teach him the things that fathers do. As far as your income is concerned. My advice on that issue would be to speak to your attorney and find out if there are any friends you have that may own a business and can provide you "what looks like proven income"......I have done this for a friend so I know it can be done but you need an attorney that knows how to play ball.

The relationship, Im sorry to say sounds like it should have never gotten this far and i would def confirm that it is your child, for the childs benefit and yours. Yours both financially and emotionally....not sure how you know the kid is yours but you must try to put the best intrests of the child first here.....sounds like she wont make a good Mom and possibly you could bait here into some domestic situation that discredits her ability to have custody of the child. Those opportunities seem like they have passed as you mentioned she threw shit at you and all that. Those are the things you need documented with the state you live in. There is then a track record of her looking unfit to be a mother....


Hope this helps any more feedback from you would help paint a better pic for advice to be given....
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Old 07-23-2010, 05:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'd just stay and fight for you kid, cause the military isn't the best route for somebody who is about to be in a custody battle, imo.
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Old 07-23-2010, 09:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
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This is a tough situation that I went through about two years ago. First and foremost, any good attorney will advise you to start taking notes. When I say notes, I'm talking times, dates, and specific details of stuff that has happened that involved you, her, and your child. Secondly, get a DNA test. If you question the legitimacy of your child, you need to get a DNA test. That's hard to do, because it can turn out how you don't want it, but it's for the best in the long run.

Like I said, detailed notes are a dream come true to any judge or attorney overseeing a case. They need to be 'unbiased', but that's hard for someone in your position. They need to be notes like, "[insert name here] came to pickup [insert name here] and called me a [insert bad word here] in front of our child, in the process of picking them up." They can't be "The dumb bitch came to pickup my kid and the bitch called me a [insert bad word here] while she was here."

You need to keep your cool, and use the legal system. When all is said and done, you may get partial custody at best, unless you can prove she is an unfit mother, which with good notes, you can do. Right now, you're shooting for partial custody with visitation in exchange for child support.

If you need anything else, let me know. I've been through all this and it's tough.
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Id say follow what cc says, good advice.

I'd avoid the military so you can be around you kid. A year or so ago I'd tell you something different. But man your kid is you + more. When I go out drinking and I get really drunk, because of him I can put down the drink and say its time to go home. Its some scary biological shit, but they need you.
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Old 07-24-2010, 12:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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There are a lot of careers in the military besides being a grunt. And the military has some FANTASTIC opportunities for education if you take advantage of them. Fantastic as in they can pay for EVERYTHING for you to go to college and get a degree.

I've known a lot of people who have served, and the only ones who regretted it were the types who enlisted as a grunt, didn't apply themselves, and didn't take advantage of any opportunities.

On the other hand, I know a good number who went on to successful, lucrative careers by having the Army pay for their entire college education.

As an aside, several of my in-laws are married to Army men. One of them likes being deployed better than being at home, since he's not much of a family-guy. He started as a quartermaster, then became an armorer, so when he is deployed, his days consist of fixing guns, going to the range to fire guns, playing video games, watching movies, and hanging out with the guys. He's been deployed three times, and is trying to go a fourth time.

Now... the real question. Can you be around your kid while you're in the Army? First you'd have to get custody so the kid can move around with you, and second... your kid wouldn't be able to go while you were deployed.

Being a father is a great thing. It's a lot of frustration, but it leads to the deepest fulfillment you can know.

You want a tiger of a lawyer for the custody, not a wimpy one. And you want to shoot for the moon. One of my brother-in-laws learned that the hard way. He rolled over and signed stuff for his ex, then didn't get to see his kid for THREE YEARS, and even now, only gets supervised visits. Once you sign the papers... you usually can't change anything unless you show a large, substantial change in the situation.
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Old 07-24-2010, 10:31 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Going in the service was if she somehow took my kid and legally I could never or barley see him. I would go in for mechanics or amory or something worth doing, Not going in as just a moving target for the RPG's. My situtaition has not gotten any better and this is interfering with everything I do. If I can be around my kid alot I know I would never want to leave. But it sounds like being a kid in a toy factory if I got deployed on an intense mission. I want a good history, background and storys to tell to my grandkids. We have non of that in my family yet.
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Old 07-24-2010, 11:45 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Going in the service was if she somehow took my kid and legally I could never or barley see him. I would go in for mechanics or amory or something worth doing, Not going in as just a moving target for the RPG's. My situtaition has not gotten any better and this is interfering with everything I do. If I can be around my kid alot I know I would never want to leave. But it sounds like being a kid in a toy factory if I got deployed on an intense mission. I want a good history, background and storys to tell to my grandkids. We have non of that in my family yet.

Are you 100% certain its your child, if not.........thats the first step!!!! For the child mainly and also for you emotionally, **** the girl at this point and what she feels, the only other thing I would do is what Urban said.

However, if you do that you MUST do what he is suggesting and get third party testimony. Keep us posted and i wish you the best, sorry you have to experience these emotions....
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Old 07-25-2010, 02:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank you people for the advice, On sherdog they wouldve told me to go kill myself. Thats why I do not post there. But I going to make a point to this thread. Woman are munipulative and cunning and never let your guard down, EVER! Always have 2 walls. Give her one and keep the other for yourself.
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Old 07-25-2010, 11:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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It's true, we are pretty f*cking smrt, for the most part. Except when we decide to start throwing sh!t; that's a fail.

I'm sorry things are turning out the way they are. I would not advise entering into anything that will take you out of town for extended periods, if you are going to attempt any sort of custody or visitation with your child.
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