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Old 09-26-2011, 06:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I have way more from those 10 days!!
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Old 09-26-2011, 06:58 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Rauno View Post
YES!
haha okay, don't know if this is that bad but first thing that came to my mind. Don't judge me.

MMA club Christmas night out, we go to a club that is completely empty. Me and my friends start doing some crazy dances, all is going well. Then I start on the shots. Steaming I look up, see my friend, who has a penchant for settling on fat girls when he is drunk and lazy finger, banging a fat girl against a wall. So in my wisdom I thought it would be funny to run over, pull his fingers out and start licking/sucking them. The girl runs out the club horrified and and embarrassed. My club start killing themselves laughing. Then my girlfriend comes over unaware and we start kissing. My club starts laughing more and then I tell her why thinking it's not a big deal. She disagrees and stops talking to me.

End result, a funny drunken story that has landed me with the MMA nick name Dave "The Colonel" Anderson, when people ask why my friends always say "cause he likes it finger lickin' good".
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Old 09-26-2011, 07:13 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Hawndo View Post
haha okay, don't know if this is that bad but first thing that came to my mind. Don't judge me.

MMA club Christmas night out, we go to a club that is completely empty. Me and my friends start doing some crazy dances, all is going well. Then I start on the shots. Steaming I look up, see my friend, who has a penchant for settling on fat girls when he is drunk and lazy finger, banging a fat girl against a wall. So in my wisdom I thought it would be funny to run over, pull his fingers out and start licking/sucking them. The girl runs out the club horrified and and embarrassed. My club start killing themselves laughing. Then my girlfriend comes over unaware and we start kissing. My club starts laughing more and then I tell her why thinking it's not a big deal. She disagrees and stops talking to me.

End result, a funny drunken story that has landed me with the MMA nick name Dave "The Colonel" Anderson, when people ask why my friends always say "cause he likes it finger lickin' good".
That is disgusting and awesome

This story is along those same lines. I was 23 I believe and still living with my mother. My gf at the time and I had been at the bar for 3-4 hours taking shots, mixed drinks, beers, etc. She was very wild. She goes stumbling out of the joint as I pay the tab. By the time I get out to the car she has her shirt off and is lying on the curb tits on display.

I get her into the car and unzip the pants, she goes to work. I decide I'm liking it so when we get close to my house I just continue driving around the block for 8-10 minutes as she works. Pull in the drive, get upstairs to my room and we go at it. Stripping, kissing, panting, and all.

I'm undoing her pants when she tries to stop me. I look up and she says that she's on her period. I just shrug and continue what I'm doing. Get the pants off and pull the drawstring, extracting the soaked barrier and go to work. Little bit later I'm now plugging away and she got her hand down there playing around. Next thing I knew she's got her hand between our mouths as we're kissing.

That was the first time I saw a girl get her own redwings

The next morning my mom says "you need to put a pillow between the bed and the wall and tell that girl that she's not the only person staying here" Talk about embarrassed.
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Old 09-26-2011, 07:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawndo View Post
haha okay, don't know if this is that bad but first thing that came to my mind. Don't judge me.

MMA club Christmas night out, we go to a club that is completely empty. Me and my friends start doing some crazy dances, all is going well. Then I start on the shots. Steaming I look up, see my friend, who has a penchant for settling on fat girls when he is drunk and lazy finger, banging a fat girl against a wall. So in my wisdom I thought it would be funny to run over, pull his fingers out and start licking/sucking them. The girl runs out the club horrified and and embarrassed. My club start killing themselves laughing. Then my girlfriend comes over unaware and we start kissing. My club starts laughing more and then I tell her why thinking it's not a big deal. She disagrees and stops talking to me.

End result, a funny drunken story that has landed me with the MMA nick name Dave "The Colonel" Anderson, when people ask why my friends always say "cause he likes it finger lickin' good".
holy shit dude! that is ******* nasty xD so epic

so you.. were sucking some fat chicks lady sauce off your friends fingers?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RustyRenegade View Post
That is disgusting and awesome

This story is along those same lines. I was 23 I believe and still living with my mother. My gf at the time and I had been at the bar for 3-4 hours taking shots, mixed drinks, beers, etc. She was very wild. She goes stumbling out of the joint as I pay the tab. By the time I get out to the car she has her shirt off and is lying on the curb tits on display.

I get her into the car and unzip the pants, she goes to work. I decide I'm liking it so when we get close to my house I just continue driving around the block for 8-10 minutes as she works. Pull in the drive, get upstairs to my room and we go at it. Stripping, kissing, panting, and all.

I'm undoing her pants when she tries to stop me. I look up and she says that she's on her period. I just shrug and continue what I'm doing. Get the pants off and pull the drawstring, extracting the soaked barrier and go to work. Little bit later I'm now plugging away and she got her hand down there playing around. Next thing I knew she's got her hand between our mouths as we're kissing.

That was the first time I saw a girl get her own redwings

The next morning my mom says "you need to put a pillow between the bed and the wall and tell that girl that she's not the only person staying here" Talk about embarrassed.
oh my jesus.. I knew it from a mile out.. ******* red wings.. ******* red wings.. i actually stopped drinking my diet sprite because of reading this. bravo xD
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Old 09-26-2011, 07:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Haha yeah, pretty much Xeb. Don't think I'm living that one down anytime soon.

Rusty. I think I have worked it out but, RedWings? :S

And another story, doesn't involve me other than I almost died laughing but was funny as shit (pun intended). Must have been like 16 years old, at an empty. Everyone getting steaming having fun yaddah yaddah. One dude makes the fatal mistake of being the first to crash out. At like midnight whilst everyone else is Rowdy. One of my friends known for out crazying everyone gets a great idea.

I get called into a room from another buddy to see him ballock naked with two fingers right up his hoop making an effort to scrape any and all morsels of shit that he can onto his fingers. It goes right under the sleeping dudes nose and across his top lip. I almost died laughing at this point but it got better. Despite being in a drunken coma the smell must have irritated him because he started touching it and wiping it in his sleep and just pushed it up his nose really. Woke up the next day and washed it off, came through to the living room, most people were still up drinking and all he could say was "end of the day the jokes on him really, he fingered his own arse." Shame it doesn't work like that SHitler.
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Old 09-26-2011, 08:13 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Alright, I said I had at least two more and now I don't feel embarrassed anymore posting them. First off, when I'm really drunk I try to hit on everything that resembles a female. But be warned, if you're sensitive you might be a bit offended.

It was my friend's 18th birthday I think and we were doing shots of raspberry vodka and sour apple schnapps. After doing some shots I decide I like me some sour apple and I pour myself half a glass of the stuff and I chug it. The guy next to me starts laughing and tells me I'm his hero... because I accidentally grabbed the absinthe bottle.

So I go to the bedroom, I undress and I use the bed sheets as some sort of a toga. I go back to the living room and I proudly (and loudly) proclaim to be the reincarnation of Jesus. I ask every girl I can find "I am Jesus, wanna nail me?" until I find one who had to be at least as drunk as I was and we go to the bedroom together. So afterwards I realize the whole bed is soaking wet with urin... but Jesus don't care, nuh-uh. So I put on the toga again and I go back to the living room to tell everyone that Jesus got nailed. Last thing I remember is I take a bow, I vomit and I drag myself to the couch where I woke up the next morning with a stench of sweat and urin in my nose and a taste of vomit in my mouth.

Good times. I'll post the other one tomorrow or when I feel like it.

Also I found out was red wings means.

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cunnilinguswhile the female is menstruating, because of the blood stains left on her thighs and the partner's face.
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Old 09-27-2011, 06:33 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I thought so. Boke.
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Old 09-27-2011, 10:01 PM   #18 (permalink)
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It's cold and snowy like half the year where I live, so me and my roommates wanted to do this for the longest time:



On one particular Friday my best friend got smashed, and we tried it out in his car. Unfortunately we were all too drunk to realize that on top of hill isn't the best place to execute such a prank. I was a pusher, and one guy slipped and we all consequently fell, which pushed the car down the icy hill. My drunk best friend was so drunk he didn't wake up, and my terrified roommates hopelessly tried to control the car. In a brilliant stroke of luck the car hit a snowbank (after sliding down about 2 blocks through a couple intersections) and came to a complete stop, unharmed, about 10 yards short of the frigid waters of Lake Superior. My drunk friend woke up and puked all over the lap of the guy in the passenger seat. The next day he was completely unaware of the whole catastrophe.

Why can't things work out like they do in the movies?
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