You know you watch too much MMA when.....
Your MMA tapes are your prized collection.
You scream at the TV and could sware that sometimes, they do listen.
"hey, I want to try something" These words out of your mouth have cleared out parties.
You not only shadow box, but you shadow roll.
You give medical advise and never have you even been enrolled at Medical School. You really feel that you have a decent grasp on human anatomy because you know how to break it.
Every single time time you walk into a bar, you plot out a plan on how to beat down every single person in the bar, just in case you end up having a problem with them later.
You know more about the pasts of your favorite fighters than they can remember.
You can take a 1 second exchange between fighters and give a 10 minute speech on what was really happening.
You giggle to yourself every time you see blood.....and laugh really hard if it isn't yours and you created the injury.
You have been tempted to murder some drunk at at least 1 MMA event........how in the hell has that asshole lived this long btw?!?!?!?!?!
You now know the power of Dad strength and Tard strength.
Your dream girls are ladies that could kick your ass.
*If you wake up in the triangle position.
*If your friend passes-out from the choke because they don't know what a "tap" is.
*You flinch everytime somewhen moves quick around you and wanna duck and get the takedown
*Girlfriend gets seriously iritated when you show her the new footlock
* You practice triangle chokes and rear naked chokes on your pillow and duvet when you sleep.
It isn't unusual for you to come home with scratches all over the place on your body-AND your woman doesn't even ask about it anymore because she knows it was from training and not cheating.
You have little or no hair, not because you are a Nazi, just so it doesn't get grabbed.
When cuddling or watching TV with your woman, or even give her a hug, you get the underhooks or pull her into your guard.
You have a hard time letting your woman take top during sex because she could start raining down shots at any time. (good to never call her the wrong name)
When you see a street fight, you are disgusted and start screaming....."knee!!!!!" and take up the loser after the fact and give him some pointers, followed shortly there after by telling the winner, he is lucky that it wasn't you. Fight shortly follows.
You think Golum from Two Towers had good form for a grappler because he sunk the hooks on Sam and went for a choke but the only thing you could think to say besides "Tap Mother****er", was "grab your bicep".
You have actually had more than one of the fight ****s that go to your local promotion. So has most of your gym.
The term "work" means so much more than the average joe and you don't hesistate to use it.
You think you could beat Mike Tyson "if you could just get a takedown"
You would sooner break Jim Rome's arm than shake his hand.
You take insults to your art of choice (ie judo, bjj) very personally.
You don't remember the last time you shook another man's hand without really squeezing hard just to test them.
You play out bar fights in your head before you even leave for the bar.
When nailing your girlfriend from the top you pass guard for no apparent reason.
North/South position has ruined 69'ing.
You go out of your way to correct casual mma fans when they **** up Royce.
every time I see WWE wrestling on tv I start yelling " armlock, choke, triangle..!!"
when someone is putting too much weight on one leg you think how devasting your Thai roundhouse would be in this situation.
when having 69 you instinctively go for the omaplata or an ankle lock.
When you are at a family reunion and you greet everyone with a handshake, because eveytime someone trys to hug you, you automatically go for the clinch.
You come up behind your wife to give her a hug, and she automatically sinks her chin because she knows you're going to slip in a choke.
When your two sons are fighting, you give them a time-out.
Then you put them back in their original position.
Whenever someone takes a picture you go into a fight pose.
You yell "TAKE HIM DOWN!" whenever there is a fight on TV or in a movie
You've developed a slight Brazilian accent.
You size EVERYONE up right away to decide what would be the best way to "finish" them...
Also using bjj postioning/holds/subs to achieve dominance in the bedroom dept when doing the wild thing with your girlfriend!!!
Worrying that your girlfriend will triangle you when you are in the missionary position and put one arm under!
When watching the Lewis vs Tyson fight you explained to your mates that Lewis would be a 'sucker' for a double leg.
When you watch tv & see "any" fighting, you tell everyone what "move" they could have used to win!
You check your footing in the bar to make sure you won't slip if you shuld have to leg kick someone.
You ALWAYS go for the double underhooks when giving a chick a hug.
When you explain to you girlfriend that she has you in her open guard while you are having sex.
When you see a name beginning with R, you instinctively pronounce it with an H in your head.
You shout instructions to movie characters during fight scenes.
You think a rear naked choke qualifies as hugging your significant other / Everytime you hug your girlfriend from behind, you instinctively apply a rear naked choke.
Occasionally you will look at peoples legs and imagine the shock on their face if you gave them your hardest Thai kick.
Whenever a cool song comes on you imagine it being your entrance song.
Your wife gets pissed off because you scream at Buffy for fighting too fancy and not punching straight
When your friends play fight and they see you coming they immediately stop before you jump in.
You get upset everytime you watch "hip hop" people "touch gloves" to greet one another.
You see a man getting mauled by a bear on When Animals Attack and think "Man, the armbar is sooo there!"
When you start to forget that spandex does and will always equal HOMO.
When you wear shirts that say super macho retarded stuff like "tap or snap" fight wear, blood and pain."
When you forget that MMA is a smaller sport then ping pong and actually think you should "renegotiate"
You test durability of clothes for grappling, kicking, punching and rolling when you buy them
If you're laying down on your side and your girlfriend tries to spoon you from behind and you tuck and get the knee bar.
If you constantly key lock things that are long at work like the rake and the shovel.
When you can no longer watch any Kung Fu movie, or flashy fight scene because you know that stuff doesnt work
Every time someone comes in for a hug you think they are trying to get the clinch...