Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Robbie Lawler bandwagon
A woman was seriously injured in an auto accident that caused her to go into a coma. After months of treatment, she still showed no signs of recovery. One day the nurse was giving the lady a sponge bath. When the nurse wiped her p****, the lady quivered. The nurse was excited. She ran into the doctor's office and informed him of the situation. The doctor took the sponge and wiped the lady's p**** and again she quivered.
Immediately the doctor called the lady's husband. When the husband arrived at the hospital, the doctor suggested to him, "Your wife is responding to stimuli. You may be able to bring her out of the coma. Try having oral sex with her. She may respond to your touch and your smell. She needs you." The husband was more than willing. He was however a little embarrassed about having oral sex in front of the doctor. The doctor suggested that he and the nurse would monitor the event from another room across the hall.
So the doctor hooked the lady up to several electrodes and he and the nurse went to the other room to monitor the session. After a while of watching the meters go beep.... beep.... beep...., the heart monitor flat lined. The lady had died. The doctor and nurse ran into the room and asked, "What happened? Your wife is dead!!" The husband replied, "I think she choked."
This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy. He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."
To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"
A man is finishing a physical exam and his family doctor asks:
"Everything looks okay; is there anything else you can think of?"
"Well, yes, I'd like a birth control prescription for my daughter."
"Your daughter? Why she's only 12...you don't mean she's sexually active?"
"Nah...she just lays there like her mother."
A woman went to the doctor's to get the result of her tests.
The doctor said I've got some bad news your body is riddled with cancer and you hav'nt got long to live".
"When you say not long what do you mean weeks?"
"No sorry hours"
The devestated woman went home and told her husband"I've got terminal cancer and I have only hours to live,I suggest we go to bed and spend the night making mad passionate love"
"You selfish bitch"said the husband,
"I'ts o.k. for you, you dont have to get up in the morning"
A girl goes up to her father one night and says, "Dad, can I have the car tonight?"
Her father looks at her thoughtfully and says, "Sure, if you give me a blowjob."
So the girl puts his penis in her mouth and almost immediately spits it back out.
"Your penis tastes like shit!" she cries.
"Oh yeah," her father replied, "I forgot I loaned the car to your brother tonight."
A boy and a pedophile are out at night, walking towards the forest.
The boy says, "It's dark! I don't like it! I'm scared!"
The pedophile says, "You're scared! I've got to walk back out of here on my own!"
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What's the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A: Hair balls.
There was a little girl who went up to her mom, and asked, "Whats that?"
Her Mom said,"A vagina."
The little girl said, "When will I get one?"
"When you get older," said her Mom.
Then the little girl went up to her Dad and asked, "Whats that?"
Her Dad said,"A penis."
The little girl asked, "When will I get one?"
The Dad said, "When your Mom goes to work!"
Fighters to watch
Chris 'The Chronic' Conolley
Marcus 'The Bruiser' Brimage
Adrian 'Guard Yo Grill' Miles