[MalkyBoy]

what do you call a black condom?

night rider, oh yeah

[ZZtigerZZ81]

I like my women like I like my whiskey.... 5 years old and full of coke.

[Dan0]

This isnt THAT sick, but it cracks me up -

"Daddy, i'm never going to go sledge with you..."
"Shut up and pull!"

[SimplyNate]

So this Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.

All the patrons at the bar are like "Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants, isn't that annoying?"

The Pirate replies "Yarrrr, it's driving me nuts."



Not sick but so stupid it's somehow funny.

[MalkyBoy]

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~
Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

------------------------------------------------------------
What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...

'Oi, what's your disability?'

I said 'Tourettes! Now f**k off!'


----------------------------------------------------------------------

A man is in a queue at a supermarket and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?'

'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'


----------------------------------------------------------------------

I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '


----------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?

Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.

He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------

A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

His wife replies 'You've got a bigger knob than your brother'

[yorT]

Damn those were all good Malky! nice

[SimplyNate]

A gay couple is spending a night in a hotel room. The hotel catches on fire interrupting their festivities. Who makes it out of the burning building first: the man on top or the man on the bottom?

-The man on the bottom, he already has his shit packed.

[wozza]

A priest checks into a hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope my pornography channels are disabled"

The receptionist replies, "No, its normal porn, you sick ****!"

[Toxic]

There is some sick shit in here.

[ZZtigerZZ81]

Did you guys' hear about the tax on Aspirin?

Yeah apparently Obama is taxing aspirin because it is white and it works.