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Old 06-26-2007, 06:49 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by esv
I would tie him down, and make him give Tim Sylvia a blowjob for an hour.

Some guy kills your family, what do u do.
Chinese Water Tourture for a period of 20 days

Followed by Botox and Novocaine Face and Mouth Injections for a period of 6 days so they have trouble eating the food I serve him.

Then I'd make him stand up for 40 days straight

Then I'd administer a high dosage of Epinephrine and lock him inside a small closet for a period of 8 hours

then for a period of 1 week I would make him listen to Mims - This is why I'm hot, all day.

Then I'd Drown him and revive him 2 times like they do in the navy seals and then make him fight Fedor for 30 minutes barenuckled. Then if he is stil alive,

I'd shoot him in the knee caps with a desert eagle. Then I'd hire a surgeon to repair his knees and then after he recovers, I'll shoot them again.

Then I'll cut off his leg with a table saw and administer salt to the wound and bandage it up.

Then I'd make him watch the movie Gigli for 1 week.

Then i'd feed him to a pack of rabid wolves

Last edited by southpaw447 : 06-26-2007 at 06:57 PM.
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:00 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by esv
I would tie him down, and make him give Tim Sylvia a blowjob for an hour.

Some guy kills your family, what do u do.

have someone sew his asshole shut, then keep feeding him =)
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:34 PM   #33 (permalink)
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The Ultimate Torchure,steps 1-10

ULTIMATE TORCHURE:
materials needed:

one 12 gauge shotgun
40 sewing pins
rope
1 rat
skillet, butterand garlic
sharp knife
pliars
one apple
one sledge hammer


Step 1: remove clothes,bound hands and legs together behind him then hang him by the bound so his stomach is facing the floor.

Step 2: put your fist into the anus with punching motion, then grab a rat and slip it inside the rectum

step 3: cut off his thumbs, his two big toe's,his ears, then fry them up in a skillet with some garlic

step 4: force him too eat his cooked self by threatening to cut his penis off if he doesent

step 5: after parts are eaten grab the 40 sewing needles you should have on hand and begin with sticking 20 in his right eye, stick them right into the eye and penetrate deep

step 6: grab pliars and ripp out every single tooth besides the very back teeth, grab an apple and force him too keep it in his mouth without dropping it or you would remove his penis and his toungue(a hard task without any teeth)

step 7: inject last 20 pins into the left eye, then cut out the right eye with the last 20 pins still inside of it, force the man too spit out the apple and then too chew and swallow his eye and all of the pins inside his eye. Threaten too remove his left eye if he does not comply

step 8: immediately force apple into mouth again, get a sledge hammer and break his chins and both sides of his rib cage with uppercut hammer strikes.Now remove 20 pins in left eye.

step 9:make circular incision on the top of the skull, remove peice of bone. brain should be visible, so insert prior removed 20 pins into all visible area's of the brain,leave in and prepare shotgun

step 10: point shotgun directly at jaw, blow jaw off preserving brain and life, blow genitals and penis off with shotgun blast, then shoot through midsection.This will be all thats needed, now throw him in a bathtub full of salt water and vinegar

Last edited by JawShattera : 06-26-2007 at 09:45 PM.
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:40 PM   #34 (permalink)
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LMAO I wish I didn't have to leave for work right now....I can tell by the start of your post I am gonna enjoy reading it. I will have to wait till tomorrow though...
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:52 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JawShattera
ULTIMATE TORCHURE:
materials needed:

one 12 gauge shotgun
40 sewing pins
rope
1 rat
skillet, butterand garlic
sharp knife
pliars
one apple
one sledge hammer


Step 1: remove clothes,bound hands and legs together behind him then hang him by the bound so his stomach is facing the floor.

Step 2: put your fist into the anus with punching motion, then grab a rat and slip it inside the rectum

step 3: cut off his thumbs, his two big toe's,his ears, then fry them up in a skillet with some garlic

step 4: force him too eat his cooked self by threatening to cut his penis off if he doesent

step 5: after parts are eaten grab the 40 sewing needles you should have on hand and begin with sticking 20 in his right eye, stick them right into the eye and penetrate deep

step 6: grab pliars and ripp out every single tooth besides the very back teeth, grab an apple and force him too keep it in his mouth without dropping it or you would remove his penis and his toungue(a hard task without any teeth)

step 7: inject last 20 pins into the left eye, then cut out the right eye with the last 20 pins still inside of it, force the man too spit out the apple and then too chew and swallow his eye and all of the pins inside his eye. Threaten too remove his left eye if he does not comply

step 8: immediately force apple into mouth again, get a sledge hammer and break his chins and both sides of his rib cage with uppercut hammer strikes.Now remove 20 pins in left eye.

step 9:make circular incision on the top of the skull, remove peice of bone. brain should be visible, so insert prior removed 20 pins into all visible area's of the brain,leave in and prepare shotgun

step 10: point shotgun directly at jaw, blow jaw off preserving brain and life, blow genitals and penis off with shotgun blast, then shoot through midsection.This will be all thats needed, now throw him in a bathtub full of salt water and vinegar
Amazing! repped!
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Old 06-27-2007, 10:38 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by esv
Some guy kills your family, what do u do.
1st, I would find out where the guy lives and watch his every movement for a month.

Once I know the habits and patterns of said guy, I would take something from every place he goes on a daily basis and place a note with his name in it's spot telling him that 9:00am is the hour of pain. After letting him find the notes in different spots over the course of a week, I'd take him from his sleep in the middle of the night by sneeking in his house and using Cloroform.

Once I have him in my basement, that has been sound proofed and locked tight, I would have him chained to a metal folding chair that is fastened to the ground securely. I would have a large digital clock on the wall that tells him the time.

Every morning I would get up at 8:00 and go down stairs and make sure he's awake, telling him that 9:00am is the hour of pain.

Then I'd go back upstairs and make lots of noise with different kinds of tools that would be painful (chainsaw, Circlular saw, Chains, Things like that).

Then at 9:00am on the first day, I would go down stairs and break his ankle with a sledge hammer and a 2x4 on each side of it (it might take a few wacks to do it, but I'm OK with that). Then after I know that it's broken, I'll take the rest of the hour moving it back and forth, pulling on it and pushing it in as hard as I can. At 10:00, I clean him up and give him some food, go back up stairs and wait until the next day.

The next day at 9:00 would include. Pulling teeth and then the rest of the hour digging at his gums with a pointed, metal nail file.

The day after would be burning his flesh with a metal rod and a blow torch.

The day after that would be cutting off his fingers one at a time and freezing the wound with that stuff you use to get rid of warts.

The day after that I would shave his head and take rough grain sand paper to it until it was raw almost to the bone, moving from one spot to the next until the hour was up.

I would keep this up until he dies. I could put a lot more stuff, but it's getting to be a long read already. :-D
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Old 06-27-2007, 02:32 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Actually Jaw, the outside of your brain itself has no nerves so it can't feel any pain, the pins wouldn't do a thing except for screwing with his motor functions and screwing with his senses, etc.
Nice idea though

Anyways, I thought the recipe form was brilliant so I'll start with that:

Agonie Finale (French for ultimate agony, lol I wanted to be fancy)
Ingredients:
1 pair of pliers
1 propane blow torch
1 packet of table salt
1 lemon
1 12lb sledge hammer
1 1/2" iron rod
2 sharpened railroad spikes
1 sharp paring knife
2 Rolls of duct tape
1 Pack of coals
1 Wire sponge
1 Ball gag
1 Cordless Power drill
1 Alarm clock
1 Jalapeno pepper
1 Sandwich
1 Chainsaw
400ug Lysergic acid dimethylamide (LSD)

Okkkkk folks, lets do some torturing. You want your "kitchen" to be clean and soundproof for this recipe, and be SURE to wash your hands after every step.

Strip the victim of all clothes and wash in a cold water bath, preferably with high pressure hose. Tie hands to the ceiling and leave victim on tippytoes. Ignite coals till smoldering and place under victims feet, let stand for 8 hours, then marinate the wounds with wire sponge and a mixture of salt and lemon juice. Do not sedate. Do not feed. Keep hydrated.
Next place victim in a chair, tie hands and feet down with duct tape, and place clamp over victims nose. Drill a small hose through the ball gag and place in victims mouth. Make sure hole is JUST large enough to allow for victim to be breathing normally in calm state, but victim will suffer from lack of air when in distressed state (eg. breathing fast). This ensures a continued feeling of suffocation, yet allows for the victim to be sustained for the duration of torture.
Take the pliers and begin ripping victims fingernails out. Make sure to pause one minute between each nail so the full extent of the pain may be felt. Next take pliers and apply pressure to now raw, bleeding fingers until they snap. twist pliers in desired direction until victim passes out from pain. Ignite another batch of hot coals, place OVER victims feet this time and let stand for 8 hours. Place alarm clock infront of victim so he knows when you are going to return.
Repeat same procedure as above with toe nails, again until victim loses consciousness. Place alarm clock again and let sit for 8 hours.
Ignite blowtorch and use it on victims already burned feet until crispy brown. Remove all crust with a wire sponge and again marinate wounds with salt and lemon juice.
Get paring knife and place the edge in the victims mouth. "Fishhook" with paring knife and rip victims mouth open to both sides. Now feed starving victim with Jalapeno pepper. Clean wounds, and let sit for 12 hours without alarm clock.
Return, and feed victim with Sandwich spiked with LSD. Leave again and let sit for 1 hour. Return and rev chainsaw loudly until victim is blubbering from fear. The LSD will now have kicked in and the victim will be 10 times more responsive to any stimulus, any pain will feel thousandfold worse and be severly emotionally scarring. Take the 1/2" iron rod and interweave between victims fingers. Next hit with sledgehammer until hands resemble roadkill.
Next use blowtorch to heat railroad spikes red hot, then slowly introduce the spikes into victim's eyes, hold until cooled to room temperature.
Now use sledgehammer to reduce victims limbs (arms and legs) to pulp for next two hours while victim is still tripping HARD (400ug is a HUGE dose).
Leave victim alone with pain and blast loud sounds into victims ears, nothing melodical, just random noise. Let sit like this for 12 hours.
Upon return, victim will be a snivelling, mentally deranged wretch and will be begging you to kill him. Gladly comply, using the blowtorch to scorch every inch of nonburned skin, and then using the chainsaw to cut victims pulped limbs off. Take the torso of the possibly still living victim and place in heavy fabric. Place bundle into a large bag (Must be made of non-rotting material, prefferably heavy nylon, and be sure to sew everything closed) with at least 150lbs ballast weight, and dump in nearest river. If victim is still conscious by this point, they will feel the drowning, if victim is not, lucky them.
Good luck and happy cooking.
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Old 06-27-2007, 03:07 PM   #38 (permalink)
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lmao a horny bob sapp
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